How to Know the Signs of a Bad Friendship

Do you have a friend who leaves you drained after an interaction? Does your friend insult or demean you to your face or in front of others? You may recognize some signs of a bad friendship, but what about back-handed compliments? How do you bow out of a bad friendship while still upholding your Christian beliefs and integrity?

Learn the signs, how to walk away from a toxic friendship, and what to look for in a true friend by being one yourself.

What Are the Signs of a Bad Friendship?

You should know the red flags for a bad friendship to decide if you want to continue a current relationship and as you meet new people and make friends. Not every friendship you form in childhood or the teenage years will follow you into adulthood. You may have friends for different seasons of your life.

For example, in your 20s, you might form several friendships with coworkers at your first job. By the time you are in your 40s with a career and family, you might only be friends with one of those people. The end of a friendship can naturally occur as two people grow apart, busy with their own lives and responsibilities.

Other times, a person may be unable to manage healthy relationships. These people may use others for their own agenda and become angry when the person doesn’t meet their needs. Bad friendships are toxic to your emotional and mental health. How do you feel when you spend time away from a toxic friend? When you are around that person, do they leave you emotionally, mentally, or financially drained?

The following are examples of bad friends.

They Are Mean to You or Others

Take note if your friend says mean things to you. Insults and other verbal slurs are not okay. Eventually, this verbal abuse will wear on you, lowering your confidence and self-esteem. This behavior doesn’t have anything to do with you. Instead, your friend may have their own mental health issues they need to address.

Your friend may be adept at back-handed compliments, which are subtle but snide remarks. For example, maybe you purchased a dress for your son’s wedding and invited your friend to see you in it. She might say, “Wow, look at you! That dress is beautiful. I didn’t think you’d be able to pull it off with those hips of yours, but they’re hardly noticeable.” Now, your excitement for the dress and the wedding plummeted. As a result, you are self-conscious and begin doubting your choices.

These types of comments are almost as bad as a physical slap. It affects you on emotional and mental levels. The words go beyond the event but can last a lifetime if you allow them to take root and become a narrative in your mind.

The soothing tongue is a tree of life, but a perverse tongue crushes the spirit. – Proverbs 15:4, NIV

How does your friend talk to others? Maybe your friend never says anything hurtful to your face, but do they take it out on others? Are they a bully? We all want to believe that we left bullies behind in childhood, but the reality is that they still exist in adult form. You will want to learn how to stand up to a bully and protect others.

They Start Fights and Arguments

Do you have a friend that walks around with a chip on their shoulder? Do they constantly bicker, argue, or physically fight other people? When you speak to them, are they easily offended or defensive?

At no time should you be in a relationship with someone who threatens to physically harm you because you don’t agree with them or share the same opinion. These people are unreliable and unpredictable. You don’t know when a simple dinner out could lead to a fight with a stranger.

You are in a bad friendship if you feel you must walk on eggshells around your friend or choose your words carefully to keep from arguing. There is too much of the “take” from your friend in your give and take of the relationship.

They Gossip About You to Others

You have probably heard the saying that if someone gossips to you about others, they will gossip to others about you. Keeping confidences quiet is a sign of a close friendship. Even if your relationship ends, any secrets told should remain with that person.

The Bible warns against gossip. It can tear people down and destroy relationships. You may be able to point out to your friend that they are gossiping about others, but don’t be surprised if your conversations become entertainment.

A perverse person stirs up conflict, and a gossip separates close friends. – Proverbs 16:28, NIV

A gossip betrays a confidence; so avoid anyone who talks too much. – Proverbs 20:19, NIV

They Are Self-Destructive

Do you have a friend who is always in trouble? Maybe your friend is in trouble with the law or with their spouse. They may drink too much alcohol, abuse drugs, have unprotected sex and one-night stands, and get into arguments at work. These self-destructive behaviors can bleed over into your life. They might try to get you to go along with them. Peer pressure isn’t just something from the adolescent years.

For example, your married friend might like to hang out at the bars on Friday nights and drink. They may use you as their alibi and become angry if you refuse to go with them to the bar or lie to their wife about their whereabouts. Your friend is causing you to lower your integrity by lying for them.

Self-destructive people can harm others physically, emotionally, and mentally. They may have a “devil-may-care” attitude, which can make them indifferent to how their decisions might affect your life.

This type of friend needs professional help to get to the root of their behavior, but you are not their therapist. You will need to clarify that you will not cover for them and that their behavior is not something you condone, as people can get hurt. The fallout might mean losing a friend, but it will end a bad friendship that might have cost you your personal relationships, character, and reputation.

How to Be a Good Friend

You must know how to be a good friend before you know what to look for in one. You want a person who is honest and trustworthy. For example, you shouldn’t worry that a new friend will try to steal your husband from you.

You want a friend who encourages others and cheers them from the sidelines. Competitiveness is good, but friends should not want to compete about everything and be unhappy when a friend reaches the pinnacle of success. For example, if you save and finally purchase your dream home, your friend should be happy for you and not make remarks about you being lucky or decide to buy a larger or newer home to show you up. Be genuinely happy for your friends.

If you have a healthy friendship with someone, don’t seek to change them. Don’t comment on how you wish they would do this or that. For example, if you are overweight, you don’t want a friend to point out your weight or make snide remarks. Instead, they should support you and love you just as you are.

As Jesus said, “Do to others as you would have them do to you.” – Luke 6:31, NIV

Are You Stuck in a Bad Friendship?

If you feel guilty for wanting to end a long but bad friendship, contact our office today to schedule an appointment with a relationship counselor. You should never allow someone to disrespect you for the sake of trying to maintain a toxic friendship. You deserve to have supportive and loving people in your circle, not someone who secretly wants to see you fail.

Your counselor knows how to help you forgive your friend and yet live a separate life from that behavior. Complete the contact form or give us a call today.