Do We Need Christian Couples Counseling?

Christian couples counseling can reinforce the strong foundation in your relationship and marriage. Statistically speaking, when you seek counseling before you marry, your union has a higher success rate than the marriages of couples who never attend counseling.

Couples counseling can benefit you as you navigate life with your significant other, whether you have been married for one year or fifty years.

Topics discussed in Christian couples counseling.

Christian couples counseling is a safe space where you can share topics of concern, learn communication skills, and grow your faith together. Each session is confidential and hosted by a mental health professional. Counselors work with couples during the dating stage, premarital phase, and marriage. Couples may also attend counseling sessions before finalizing their divorce in an effort to save their marriage or separate and divorce amicably.

Below are a few of the topics commonly discussed in Christian couples counseling.

Spiritual growth.

Growing in your faith is often a personal journey between yourself and Jesus Christ. However, when you are married, two become one. You can help to build each other up, fight temptations and trials together, and decide how you want to embrace a godly home and lifestyle.

God holds marriage to a high standard, and it is often referred to as a covenant between Himself, a man, and a woman. Since God yearns for a direct personal relationship with us, we should seek to bring Him into our day-to-day lives, especially our marriage.

For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate. – Mark 10:7-9, NIV

Relationship and marriage expectations.

Not everyone holds the same expectations regarding relationships or their roles in marriage. Christian couples counseling is a fantastic place to share your expectations early in the relationship. When you neglect to set or dispel expectations, it can result in conflict later. If one spouse is typically quiet and does not express anger, they may begin to feel resentment toward the other spouse but never discuss the reason for their attitude.

You may want to discuss finances, expectations regarding who must work, housework, chores, grocery lists, shopping, lawn care, pet care, laundry, and dishes, to name a few.

Upbringing.

Many of our expectations stem from our upbringing. Did you grow up in a two-income home or with a single parent on one income? Did your mother juggle the housework, bill paying, and grocery shopping while your father took care of the yard work? Did your family share equally in all chores?

Families handle these tasks in different ways. Your spouse may not have been raised the same way you were. This does not make their upbringing less than yours, but different. Your job as a couple is to set guidelines on how you want to manage your household. A counselor can help the two of you to lean on each other while displaying your strengths.

Future possibilities.

When you are in a serious relationship, your dreams and vision for the future need to mesh with those of your significant other. This is not to say it should be the same goal. However, you and your spouse should be able to work together to fulfill both of your dreams.

As a couple, your future possibilities might be raising children, starting a business, going back to school, pursuing creative endeavors, or moving out of state or the country. Are there ways you two could work together to make the dreams of each come true? Or are you or your spouse’s vision going to cause a rift in the relationship?

Communication issues.

Many marriages hit a snag when it comes to communication. Perhaps we did not learn how to communicate effectively when we were younger. Or it could be that we communicate in one style and how our spouse communicates is in an entirely different way.

A counselor will speak with each of you and home in on the various communication styles. They will offer suggestions on listening more intently, communicating in a way your spouse can understand, and managing your reactions.

Conflict management.

After communication, conflict is another big topic in couples counseling. Even the happiest marriages will have conflict. It is inevitable and also healthy, but in order to not place a strain on your relationship, you will need to learn how to manage conflict effectively.

What are some of the things that the two of you argue about? Is it household responsibilities, parenting styles, or financial issues? Or does it go much deeper such as betrayal or trust issues? You can share these things with your counselor as they show you how to manage your thoughts and reactions during the conflict.

Financial issues.

Some couples never argue except when it comes to money. Financial literacy is critical in today’s economic climate, and learning to budget, save, and invest can help you far into the future. However, these financial skills must be taught. If you are a whiz with the financials, but your spouse is not (or vice versa), make sure that you show them how to handle personal checking and savings and other accounts.

Financial woes can also come in the form of debt. If one, or both of you, are fighting credit card or student loan debt, it will strain your relationship. Working with a counselor and financial coach might be the best way to get out of debt, stick to a budget, and save for a rainy day. Not to mention cutting out conflict over money.

Physical intimacy.

Sex was created by God for the confines of marriage to share physical intimacy with your spouse and to procreate. Unfortunately, sex and physical gestures of intimacy may not come easily to a person for several reasons.

Did one spouse suffer a trauma that makes them less likely to show affection? Is it hard to get your spouse to hug you, let alone a kiss? Little pats on the back and a light touch on the arm during passing can mean all the world to someone in a relationship. It is confirmation of your love without saying a word.

The danger with a lack of intimacy is that some partners may, in the desire for connection and validation, be tempted to look at external sources such as pornography or extramarital encounters for physical fulfillment. Seek help from a counselor if you or your spouse struggle with displaying signs of affection.

Emotional intimacy.

Just like physical intimacy, emotional intimacy can be scarring when your loved one behaves distantly or nonchalantly toward you. Often, this emotional distance is not because of something you have done but because of past hurt.

Was your loved one abandoned or neglected as a child? Were they in an abusive relationship? Have they suffered trauma? Have you? A counselor can help you uncover why emotional intimacy is a problem in your relationship and help you both through it.

Addictions and other concerns.

Pornography, gambling, alcohol and substance abuse, and mental health disorders are some barriers to a fulfilling and healthy marriage. These could also lead to separation or divorce. The sooner you can address addictions and mental health issues, the better you will become equipped to help your significant other through treatment.

Abuse should never be tolerated, and it may be challenging to end a relationship based on your spouse’s behavior because you still love them and see the person they could be without the addiction or disorder. Contact a counselor today for help navigating your way through the marriage while keeping your safety and self-confidence intact.

Next steps.

Whether he just proposed, or you celebrated your thirtieth wedding anniversary, it is never too late to seek Christian couples counseling in an ever-changing world. You need a solid foundation to weather the storms that eventually hit a relationship. Reach out to our office today and schedule an appointment with a counselor specializing in Christian marriage and relationships.