Infidelity and Affairs

Sadly, many people have different ideas of what infidelity is, allowing them to engage in extramarital sexual activities that they wrongly believe “do not count. ”Some have the idea that sexual contact with the same person must occur more than once to be considered infidelity.

For others,infidelity only occurs when you fall in love with the other person. Thoughts like these lead to other activities being considered “OK” such as one-night stands; physical contact as long as there is no penetration(e.g. kissing, groping, oral sex); emotional affairs; cybersex or phone sex; the love of pornography; or constant longing for somebody else.

Such ideas, however, are not right. According to Christ, simply looking at someone other than your spouse with sexual desire is already a form of adultery. In marriage, two people are supposed to become one, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.No one else is supposed to intrude on that bond.

Causes of Infidelity

There are a number of reasons for why infidelity occurs. Some begin because of personal issues while others are because of emotional or sexual issues in life. The following are some of the usual reasons for infidelity:

• Emotional disconnect between spouses;
• Unresolved marital conflict;
• Unfulfilled sexual needs;
• Friendship that evolved into a romantic relationship (including online affairs);
• Sex or pornographic addiction; or
• Social or cultural contexts where infidelity may be accepted and even encouraged.

Effects of Infidelity

Consequences are always devastating once infidelity has been discovered. Anger, depression, and frustration are just some of the subsequent emotions the whole family may feel.

The one betrayed may:

• Feel insecure and have lowered self-esteem;
• Lose trust in themselves, other people, and even in God; and/or
• Experience post-traumatic stress, causing them to obsessively think about the affair; have flashbacks; and do other things similar to one who has post-traumatic stress disorder.

The one at fault may:

• Experience much guilt and regret;
• Fear that their marriage may be over;
• Become depressed over the possible loss of both loves (spouse and the other); or
• Believe that God may not forgive him/her;

As a family, there may be:

• A loss of intimacy and trust amongst members; particularly between spouses, but possibly also between the children and the parent at fault;
• Constant conflict at home, especially if the issue is connected to the affair; or
• A feeling of instability and confusion at home, leading to serious issues in the children (e.g. anxiety,depression, or substance abuse).

In today’s time, very rarely is a marriage able to survive an incident, or incidences, of infidelity. When an affair has been discovered, divorce is usually the end result as friends may repeatedly suggest it or the subsequent conflict at home eventually drives both spouses to seek it themselves.

Such, however, should not necessarily be the case. Rather than consulting a lawyer right away, spouses ought to first give Christian counseling for infidelity recovery a chance. There was a reason why the spouses came together in the first place. At Los Angeles Christian Counseling, we can help them rekindle what was lost and strengthen their marriage bond with Christ’s help. Though a spouse may feel that there is nothing left to save, through Christ, healing is very possible.

The devastation one feels after the discovery of an affair can be extremely difficult to bear, straining a person emotionally, spiritually, and even physically; similar to what happens to trauma victims. In Christian counseling for infidelity recovery, the first goal is to give both spouses a neutral and safe place to express their negative emotions.

This is also the chance for full disclosure where the details of the infidelity are discussed in the presence of a Christian counselor to mediate the discussion. But aside from releasing pent-up feelings and understanding the how’s and why’s, both spouses are introduced to prayer and God’s healing Word to ensure that the marriage is not ripped apart by all the negativity.

From there, the Christian counselor seeks to reconnect the spouses to one another and to God so that complete healing may occur. In every marriage, disappointment and frustration are inevitable which is why every couple needs Christ’s help.

Rebuilding Trust

As in many tough situations in life, it is difficult to predict how a person will react until something actually happens. The same is true for infidelity recovery.

But though the process may seem difficult, know that in Christ infidelity recovery is possible. Our God is sovereign.He is always in control and has a purpose for allowing difficulties in a couple’s marriage. Thus, through faith in God’s promises and His mercy and love, even the most painful of circumstances can be overcome.

This process, however, is not one-sided. The couple must do their part too. This means:

• Accountability – The partner at fault must acknowledge that what was done was wrong and be able to empathize with the pain felt by the spouse.
• Honest communication – Trust cannot be rebuilt if secrets are being withheld.The partner at fault must willingly answer questions about what happened so that their spouse can understand.But the betrayed spouse must also learn to ask the right questions and hold back from trying to hurt their partner in the dialogue.
• Setting realistic expectations – For the betrayed partner, this means committing to a process that will take time since healing, redemption, and forgiveness rarely occur immediately.The betrayed partner must continually look at the bigger picture and our even bigger God. Both spouses may also need to reflect upon their ideas and expectations about marriage in light of God’s design for this sacred union.This is particularly true for the spouse at fault as incorrect notions may have led to infidelity.
• Willingness to love again – This is quite difficult and very scary as there is always that risk of future pain.But if this cannot be done, then the relationship is essentially broken. Both spouses must learn to open their hearts to each other again and trust in God to help make things right.
• Forgiveness – Through the Christian counseling process, the hope is that both sides will be able to forgive one another so that their marriage can move forward positively.

Christian counseling for infidelity recovery requires time and commitment to the process. But in the end, it will be worth it as a broken marriage can be restored to something better than it was before. If you and your spouse are ready to mend your marriage, know that we at Los Angeles Christian Counseling have the experience and tools to help.

Can my marriage really recover?

While we cannot promise you will get what you want, we will do everything possible, through counseling, prayer, and faith, to help both of you heal. In Christ, there is always hope.

How long will Christian counseling for infidelity recovery take?

There is no fixed timeline as every couple’s situation is unique and every person is different. Some couples are able to heal and move forward after some months. Others, however, may require much more time before they can attain the same level of peace and stability. But rest assured that your Christian counselor is concerned about helping both of you heal.

My spouse is not interested. Can Christian counseling still help me?

Yes, it can. Though the primary aim is the healing of the marriage, Christian counseling may also help the spouse who was betrayed or even the spouse at fault who now has a change of heart.In Christian counseling, your painful emotions, disappointments, and frustrations will be processed to help you move forward.

Is Christian counseling for infidelity recovery covered by insurance?

Some insurance providers cover this, but you should speak to your insurance provider first. You may also speak to our friendly staff about what insurances we accept.

Heal Your Marriage Through Christian Counseling In Los Angeles

Infidelity is a very painful issue to overcome, but it does not have to become another divorce statistic. With the right help and prayer, a marriage can overcome infidelity and blossom into something even better. If you are in or nearby LA, trained Christian counselors are here for you. Speak to us personally during your risk-free initial session to find out how we can help. Alternatively, give us a call at (949) 386-7182 or message us online to inquire.