Why is it Hard for Women to Get Support for Pregnancy Loss?

“I’m so, so sorry” is the robotic, standard remark you’ve heard a hundred times over after you’ve had a pregnancy loss. You can tell that everyone seems to be trying as hard as they can to know how to approach you, what to say, or even what to do to console you, although some may try to act nonchalantly around you and push you toward forgetting about it and moving on. You are probably not even sure yourself whether being told ‘I’m sorry’ is what you want.

But if it isn’t, then what is it that you need from people when nothing can substitute for what you have lost? If you have these questions, you’re not alone in feeling this way.

According to the National Survey of Family Growth, one in five women will experience early pregnancy loss, or miscarriage, in their lifetime, often in the first trimester, which in the USA represents approximately 500,000-650,000 miscarriages annually. As a clinical definition, a miscarriage is the spontaneous death of a baby before twenty weeks of pregnancy. Up to 50% of all pregnancies may end this way.

Pregnancy loss, i.e., miscarriage and stillbirth can happen for some of the following reasons:

• Genetic and chromosomal problems.
• Health issues.
• Hormonal imbalance.
• Chronic diseases.
• Anatomical factors.
• Infections and environmental causes.
• Smoking and substance abuse.
• Nutritional deficiencies.

Despite all these facts, having lost a pregnancy, you and many other women in your place still carry on your shoulders the burden of guilt and blame, which the lack of support from those surrounding you only deepens.

What makes it so hard to find support for pregnancy loss?

• The difference in how grief is processed by you and your partner may create a communication gap or misunderstanding between the two of you.
• You probably view yourself and may be viewed by others, as the guardian of the pregnancy because you were directly physically and emotionally carrying the pregnancy. This image can make you feel guilty, ashamed, and alone.
• You will be isolated at times because of the cultural stigma. Pregnancy loss is not often talked about; thus, it may be hard to know how to reach out for support and, in turn, how others can support you.
• A lot of religious contexts make it a taboo subject, isolating you from other women even further, so if you are part of such a convention, reaching out for support will be hard.
• Representation through media in the society one is living in is not done well and media rarely has television shows about pregnancy loss, thus contributing to the thought that it’s an uncommon subject or taboo.

When you undergo such an unexpected and life-changing event as pregnancy loss, those around may not have any meaningful support they think they could offer; remember few might ever have experienced such a loss and truly don’t know what it could feel like to you.

More education, open communication, and supportive practices are required to reduce the stigma associated with pregnancy loss. This, together with greater public awareness about prevalence and causes, dispels myths and misconceptions. Educational campaigns can focus on how pregnancy loss often lies beyond one’s control and is a common experience.

Surveys from the Archives of Women’s Mental Health revealed that 79% of the women interviewed reported difficulty in getting much-needed support and a feeling that miscarriage is treated as some trifling event.

Finding Support After a Miscarriage

Look for support groups where women share poignant, personal stories either in private or public forums if you haven’t already done so. You never know; your story may teach others and give others who are experiencing miscarriage the comfort and support that you lacked.

We can help minimize some of the stigma regarding pregnancy loss and assist fellow sufferers by offering an even more empathetic and supportive atmosphere. As the saying goes, “Charity begins at home.”

Therefore, you want to start this with self-compassion and talk to yourself first the way you feel you would want someone else to. You can even write an occasional letter to yourself as if you’re writing to a dear friend going through the same experience.

Further, personalized advice is always important if you feel that it might be needed. Never underestimate the power of professional help to give you extra support. Contact us at Los Angeles Christian Counseling or use the directory on our website to find faith-based therapists in Los Angeles who have walked this path with other women after pregnancy loss. You don’t need to feel alone.