Finding Hope in God After a Pregnancy Loss

For many parents, the news of pregnancy brings along with it, feelings of hope and excitement. For those that were praying for the blessing of a child for many years, the feelings are even more intense as they feel that their prayers have finally been answered.

Some immediately share the news with loved ones and start picking names and cute outfits for their unborn children while some say they would rather not jinx it and prefer to wait until a certain stage before sharing the news with the world or choosing outfits and names.

And then it happens – the absence of a heartbeat, the bleeding, the excruciating abdominal cramps, and finally the realization that the life they were briefly carrying, is slipping prematurely.

After a pregnancy loss, the hope they carried is replaced by heavy hopelessness and despair; the excitement is replaced by an entwined and deep sense of loss, pain, sadness, and confusion. During this time they will start asking God in desperate prayers, “why me Lord” or “why have you forsaken me, Father?”

For some, faith is quickly replaced by fear and doubt. Fear that they are not worthy or adequate, fear that God has abandoned them, and doubt of His love for them or even His existence.

Suddenly life loses meaning and getting out of bed seems tedious and at times pointless. While the pain, sadness, and loss are real, is it true though that God has forsaken you? Is it true that God does not exist or love you? Are you inadequate as a person because you did not carry your pregnancy to term?

What does Scripture say?

Let us turn to the Scripture to try and find answers to these questions. In Isaiah 55:8-9, it is written, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.”

In your desperate search for answers, in your pain and your hurt and grief, keep in mind these words as they are a reminder that God always has a better understanding of all your circumstances and that even when bad things happen, He is still in control and has a bigger plan for your life.

2 Corinthians 4:16-18 echoes a similar message to Isaiah 55:8-9 and it says, “Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” (NIV)

Therefore as you grieve, do not let the devil trick you into focusing only on what you are feeling and seeing through your human body. Believe that through God’s eyes, you exist for a much greater purpose, which is His ultimate control if you put all your trust in Him.

John 10:10 which says, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” (NIV) It is Satan’s mission to steal your joy and peace and ultimately kill and destroy the hope and faith that you have in God.

To achieve this, He will create confusing and painful situations in your life, to destroy the faith and hope you have in God. He will do things that will create doubt and leave you in despair. That pain, the sadness and the hurt you feel after pregnancy loss, the feelings of inadequacy and unworthiness, are therefore not signs that God has forsaken you.

They are signs that you are being attacked by the devil. He wants to destroy the joy and the hope you had in God, he wants to plant seeds of confusion and doubt and so that you may lose your faith in God. When you lose your faith in God, the devil rejoices because it is all part of his plans.

When you face an attack from the devil, it is normal to feel small and to feel that you have no chance against him. Remember, however, that this battle is never yours to win by your strength. You will not win it even if you tried!

As foreboding as that sounds, remember that in Ephesians 6:12-13, the Apostle Paul says, “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.” (NIV)

There are three important points to note from this Scripture:

First, the struggles you face as a believer such as pregnancy loss, are orchestrated by the devil himself as part of his mission. Do not, therefore, try to apportion fault to yourself or any other person.

Second, note how in the same Scripture, the Bible does not say “If” the day of evil comes, instead it says “when” the day of evil comes which means that it is inevitable for believers to face evil attacks from the devil as he tries to destroy us.

By asking questions like, “why me God” the assumption is bad things are happening to you only or as some form of punishment. You may even begin to analyze your life thinking about what you could have done to avoid such “punishment.” That is another lie that the devil wants you to believe.

All believers face different forms of trials and tribulations throughout their lives, and these are not apportioned according to the sins that you do or do not commit.

Look at Job for example a man who is described in the Bible as being perfect and upright yet who suffered one of the biggest attacks in the Bible. (You can read more about Job in the Book of Job in the Bible.) He lost his children, his wealth, and his health. The devil wanted Job to lose his faith in God, yet Job stubbornly held on to it.

Third, to survive attacks such as pregnancy loss, you need to put on the full armor of God and part of this armor requires you to find God’s truth about your life in the Bible and hold on to it while declaring it over your life no matter what may be thrown your way because “God is not human, that he should lie, not a human being, that he should change his mind…” Numbers 23:19 (NIV)

When you fight back while putting on God’s armor, you will feel the pain, you will feel the hurt and you will grieve but you will not grieve as the world grieves. You will keep standing and you will keep your faith in God who will restore what the devil would have stolen in one way or the other.

While the devil’s mission is to steal, kill and destroy, John 10:10 tell us that Jesus’s counter mission is to give us life in its fullness. Jesus came down to earth and conquered death and ascended to heaven to show all believers that life on this earth, together with the pain, the trials, and the tribulations, is only temporary.

Through His physically painful death and His ultimate rising, we get confirmation that though we too may be troubled and experience different forms of physical and psychological pain; though we may die in flesh we will surely live again eternally.

As you meditate upon John10:10, remember also, Jeremiah 29:11 which says, “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (NIV) So as you grieve your pregnancy loss, grieve with hope of the promised better future. It is normal to grieve yet it is important to keep your focus not on what the devil has stolen but on God’s promise of prosperity and fullness of life.

You can get professional help after pregnancy loss.

Grief due to pregnancy loss is difficult and sometimes complicated. At times the world expects you to move on too quickly. There are many verses in the Bible to which you can turn for comfort and counsel but if you feel you need someone to talk to, do not hesitate to get in touch with us and we will get you the help you need.