Los Angeles Christian Counseling
Anger is almost always a side effect of an underlying issue. Feelings of hurt or sadness are often precursors to annoyance, hostility, displeasure and other anger-based emotions. Anger is like a ticking bomb. It’s imperative to get help for your anger issues before they erupt.
Anger is a sore that festers from an emotional wound. As we attempt to suppress and ignore it, it becomes infected and spreads until drastic measures must be taken to rid the poison it has caused our body.
What is at the Root of Our Anger?
When we question what the root of this anger emotion is, in short, we are seeking to find out how it originated and in what ways it is affecting our lives and our very heart. Anger is so powerful, it can change our outlook on life and possibly even cause us to stop trusting people and make us feel so hopeless. It can deeply affect our desire for developing relationships and maintaining them.
Anger is sneaky. We often think we have left it in a box, stored away until we chose to open it up again. But, what we might fail to realize is that we carry it around with us everywhere we go. It is a heavy load. Disappointment, hurt, pain, lost expectations, and sadness consume us and change the essence of who we are, how we act, what we think, and how we behave.
When clients walk into a counselor’s office, admitting that they have an anger problem, the counselor helps them identify the triggers they experience in their everyday life. Together they examine these triggers and look for the root of the issue. James 1:19-20 says that we are to be slow to anger and to speak but that we should focus on listening instead. That is the opposite of what we usually do when we are angry, however.
It’s doubtful that any of us just woke up angry one morning without any rhyme or reason to our emotion. Something happened that caused the feelings. It might have been one single event or it may even be multiple events but something took place that changed our thinking.
When it happened, we became affected immediately, perhaps feeling sad or hurt initially. Later, we may have felt disappointed and then annoyed or confused. As time went by, anger began to surface.
Every individual emotion is like a brick, stacking upon the last emotion to eventually build up to angry emotions. The bricks get higher and higher until the wall becomes so heavy, the foundation of it falls and crumbles, sending debris everywhere to be cleaned up.
Ecclesiastes 7:9 says that we are not to be quick to be provoked and that anger is foolish. It drives home the fact that anger is negative and will damage many aspects of our lives.
The Effects of Anger Issues
Anger not only negatively affects us, it affects others around us too. It wreaks havoc on our direct relationships, for sure. It takes a toll on our marriage, our relationship with our children and how we treat our friends. It can extend even further to change how we act at our workplace and at the grocery store or when driving in traffic.
We all experience anger in one form or another. But it’s what we end up doing with the emotion that makes the difference. In the event that we let it fester and build by attempting to stuff it, hoping for it to go away, we are raising the chances that it will eventually cause great destruction in the future and even more harm to ourselves and others as well.
Anger creeps up on us and as it does, it begins to change us in many ways that we may not even realize. It can make us bitter so that we hate things (and people) that we once actually loved.
It reaches out to negatively affect those we care for and love the very most. Although we may try our best to toss the anger aside, it seems to follow us in whatever we do and wherever we go.
We can develop triggers without even knowing it too. When a trigger is tripped, we can start yelling at someone out of nowhere, jeopardizing relationships as we lash out in unexpected ways, misplacing the angry feelings inside. It can land us in dangerous situations, like screaming at the wrong person and can even lead to legal problems if we take action in illegal ways.
Our anger will eventually overpower us and we become like a puppet under its rule. It overwhelms us, often to the point that we question if it is worth all the pain to continue living. Of course, it is. Life is not over until it is over.
You may have been hurt, but it is always repairable because God is God. Finally, the load of anger you have toted around for so long is one that you can ditch. You can have an abundant, joyous and free life today.
Dealing with Anger
In order for one to be solution oriented, it’s important to identify the heart of his or her anger. Finding the source is imperative to get rid of the negative emotion and its side effects. When seeking to find the root issue, it is also vital to want to change. We have to be willing to do what it takes in order for change to take place.
Wanting to get better, to forgive and to be forgiven and to ultimately find joy is a starting point. We become willing to allow the chains that bind us to be loosened, even if it’s not exactly comfortable. When we make a decision to forgive and to let it all go, the negativity begins to fade out and positivity begins to take bloom. It is a wonderful turning point.
Think back into the past. Is there a time in your life when you didn’t feel the weight of anger? Was there ever a time when you were truly happy and felt free? Can you pinpoint a memory when you weren’t controlled by anger? If so, hold on to it and know that the feelings you felt then, the freedom and the joy, can and will be yours again. The relationships, dreams, and hopes you once treasured can be yours again too. All things are possible because of Christ.
Can you see how anger has changed you? Do you find that you acted and reacted differently when you felt happy and free before you became angry? Perhaps you aren’t even able to think back to a time you weren’t full of angry feelings. If that is the case, your start point is as far back as you can remember, and further.
Proverbs 29:11 tells us that only fools give themselves over to anger and rage but that those who are wise remain calm and cool. Can you think of anything positive that resulted from your anger spewing? It is doubtful that you can because anger is a negative emotion that spurs negative actions.
If you have been deceived into thinking your anger was in some way a positive thing, you may have magnified those confused thoughts in order to minimize the real negative things anger caused. If you felt anger helped you to speak your mind, you may have been tempted to continue reacting with angry words rather than taking a good look at the reality of the situation.
Why? We tend to do things that squash the pain we feel. We tend to take the easier route when the best route seems too painful to travel. The good news is that it’s not too painful when someone walks the route beside you. I will be right beside you and best of all, the Lord will be with us as well.
Can you imagine what your life would be like if you weren’t consumed with anger and hate? Sometimes, we make a conscious decision to continue being angry and hating people and things. We tend to fuel our negative emotions with the thoughts we let into our minds. There is a time to let go of it all though. The time is now.
Our thoughts play a huge role in controlling the path our anger takes but so do our mouths. What we say can be detrimental to how we feel and what we think. In order to get better and to decrease our anger, we must be able to communicate. It is our ticket to freedom.
When you hold onto the hurts that others have caused you or the hurts you at least think they have caused and never release them, that action is called stuffing. If you never confront your anger and the source or sources of it, it will grow into a monster. Allowing yourself to be hurt, time after time, without saying anything or doing anything about it, is asking for trouble.
When something or someone hurts you, the best approach is to nip it in the bud. Go to the person and tell them how they affected you. Although you may not even know the person very well, you can still confront them. When you do it in a productive manner, you may be very pleasantly surprised by the outcome it can have.
Of course, there will always be those who won’t listen or who refuse to change. Other people can’t even be approached for one reason or another. In that event, you can set boundaries which will protect you and release the situation with forgiveness in your heart.
When you are dealing with situations and people who are outside your control, reciting the serenity prayer and taking it to heart is very helpful. It basically asks God to help you accept the things in and around you that you have no power to change and to change those things which you can and also asks for the wisdom to know one from the other. That is the healthy balance and the one you will want to strive for so you don’t spend your life trying to change uncontrollable situations.
Get the Anger Management Help You Need
Anger can control the very path you chose and can change the entire path of your life in a negative way. God created you for a purpose. You are too valuable to live your life being controlled by anger.
One whole day can be overwhelming. We may have to take a day one hour at a time or even a moment at a time. Break a task into steps. Take it in bite-sized pieces. If your anger is out of control to the point you are overwhelmed, just take it all one step at a time.
Unravel your anger one layer at a time. Slowly direct the negative things that are consuming you into positive things. When you become grateful, anger cannot abound. Let God do a mighty work within your heart and soul.
Do you feel like you are at a point to dig down to find the root of your anger? Do you long to get to the bottom of all the negative emotions you feel that are overtaking your life? If you are ready to begin making the changes that will lead you into a meaningful and wonderful life, don’t hesitate.
You were not created to bear the load alone. Christian counselors are here, waiting for you to reach out. There is no reason to be afraid. Together, you will get through the mirk and mire and will come out victorious on the other side. They have helped many clients work through anger issues and will help you too.
Anger is dark and it is very, very powerful. It has a myriad of layers. The layers can be peeled away though in order to get to the beauty beneath. If you feel you are trapped in anger and want someone to listen to you, please make contact and reach out today.
The counselors at Los Angeles Christian Counseling are ready, willing, and able to offer you a listening ear and a helping hand. They want to help you to become the person God designed you to be. Know that your new start begins here, right now, if you chose for it to.
“Angry Adult”, Courtesy of Pixabay.com, CC0 License; “Man in Shadow”, Courtesy of Roman Carey, Pexels.com; CC0 License; “Anger”, Courtesy of Mwangi Gatheca, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Angry Enough to Kill”, Courtesy of WenPHotos, Pixabay.com, CC0 License