Do You Have These Sexual Addiction Symptoms?

You might be wondering, “If God designed sex to be enjoyed between a husband and wife, how is it be possible to become addicted to sex?” This is a common question that’s raised either by people struggling with sexual addiction symptoms or someone who has a spouse battling this addiction.

It might be wise to look at the topic from a different perspective. God also created food for the nourishment of our bodies, but too much consumption can turn into gluttony.

God has blessed His people with finances to steward, yet some people become addicted to gambling their money away. Things that God intends for good purposes can be distorted. An addiction leads to negative physical, emotional and financial consequences.

When an addiction exists, one gets a “high” when it shifts from a thought of wanting something to actually getting that thing. Addictions vary, but for the purpose of this article, we are going to look at sex as the behavior of choice.

Sex Addicts Anonymous 12-Step publication, Hope and Recovery (1987) phrases it like this:

“Addictive sexual behavior, acting-out behaviors we sometimes call it, leads to feelings of shame and depression: it has the effect of masking, covering up, or numbing feelings; and it leads to isolation and a complete loss of control. Healthy sexual behavior, on the other hand, is characterized by mutual respect, a sense of clarity about feelings and communication, joyfulness, and genuine intimacy; it tends to make people feel emotionally and physically safe.”

Sex addicts have sex to numb feelings or to cover something up. Conversely, genuine sexual intimacy includes vulnerability, joy, and security. To define sexual addiction in a single sentence, one would say that it is an intimacy disorder that is rooted in shame.

Shame keeps our struggles and secrets hidden. Often people who are battling sexual addiction say, “I’m glad I was caught, otherwise I may have never admitted to the problem and stopped.” If you, or someone you know, is struggling with sex addiction, it’s important to know what to look for.

General Sexual Addiction Symptoms

If any of the following feels familiar, you may have a sexual addiction (IITAP, 2018):

• Compulsive Behavior – Compulsive behaviors are actions that people feel driven to do. While they may attempt to resist the urge for a moment, they ultimately cannot resist or control it.
• Loss of Control — Loss of control usually means your emotions and sexual impulses override logical thinking.
• Efforts to Stop – “conscious exertion of power: hard work” (Dictionary.com)
• Loss of Time – Do you find yourself preoccupied with thoughts of sexual encounters or other sexual thoughts? You find yourself so engrossed in these fantasies that you lose track of time and hours pass by.
• Inability to fulfill obligations – You begin to be unable to fulfill financial, relational, and work obligations.
• Continuation despite consequences – Does it feel like sexual behaviors are controlling you, instead of you having control over it? If you’ve gotten caught, yet can’t manage the behavior when truly desiring to this is a major sign of sexual addiction.
• Escalation – Some addictions begin small. Similar to how a gambling addict may have started with twenty dollars on a fun night out with friends, but over time the addict is gambling their life savings away and hiding the gambling behaviors. For the sex addict, that person may begin with an act that appears “harmless” like occasionally watching porn at home and then escalate to acting on what is being consumed while watching porn. A tolerance is developed which leads the addict to attempt to reach a greater “high.”
• Social, Occupational, Recreational Losses – Addiction can dominate every aspect of your life. You begin to isolate yourself and the activities that you once enjoyed no longer appeal to you. Are you dropping the ball when it comes to tasks at work? What in your life has been discarded because of your addiction’s influence in your life?
• Withdrawal – If you don’t fulfill your sexual desires, do you experience withdrawals? Just like alcohol and drug addicts go through withdrawals without their drugs, sex addicts feel withdrawals too.

These mentioned sexual behaviors may manifest themselves in a variety of ways including, fantasy, voyeurism, exhibitionism, seductive role sex, intrusive sex, anonymous sex, trading sex, paying for sex, pain exchange, exploitive sex (IITAP, 2018). In case you are wondering, viewing pornography would also fall under the “fantasy” category.

With the rise in popularity of pornography, mental health professionals must approach and treat sexual addiction differently. Recently, the community of Certified Sexual Addiction Therapists agreed that sexual addiction must be viewed from two different categories.

Classic Sexual Addiction: This is usually a result of a form of trauma in the past.

Contemporary Porn Addiction: No history of trauma is needed in this situation. This addiction forms as a result of access to the internet or pornographic materials.

Signs of Classic Sex Addiction

• A history of sexual or physical abuse
• Insecure attachment style as assessed by a therapist
• Poor impulse control which often impacts areas of life beyond sexual impulses, like impulse decisions with money
• Cross addictions like drinking alcohol to excess or chain smoking
• Comorbid mood disorders as assessed by a therapist
• Sex used to soothe toxic emotions instead of addressing them

Sex Addiction Treatment Options

Frequently the sex addiction stems from some form of trauma in the past. In this case, it’s critical to participate in therapy to take a look at what could be the cause of the addiction and how to heal the root instead of reenacting the trauma.

Group therapy can be a great additional step in the recovery process for someone with a sexual addiction. You will find you are not alone in your struggle. Shame is minimized when you are able to share in a group setting with people who have struggled in similar ways. The community support and accountability that’s given is paramount to long-term success. Sexual addiction is not a quick fix and often requires a long-term treatment plan to find complete freedom.

Treatment and recovery for the person addicted to viewing pornography will look different. Because it’s not a result of past trauma, the behavior can often be resolved quicker. It’s not easy because it requires discipline, rewiring your brain, and with the help of the Holy Spirit positive changes can take place in about a year.

The temptation to look at porn may never leave you, but success is refusing to act on that temptation. We can find comfort in knowing that Jesus was tempted in all ways (Hebrews 4:15) and that when we are tempted He provides a way out (1 Corinthians 10:13). Scripture tells us we will experience temptation, but we don’t have to succumb to it! God desires us to leave in freedom through the Spirit and not to be bound by the desires of our flesh or this world.

If you are currently addicted to porn, keep in mind that your brain has been programmed to behave a certain way when exposed to pornography. As a result, it will take a decent amount of time to detox your mind and replace it with constructive thoughts to rewire the programming.

You will need to be extremely patient during the process and not expect immediate results. Addictions are hard to break and present many challenges along the way. Long before the term neuroplasticity was coined, God’s principles existed which tell us, “Do not conform to the pattern of this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is – his good, pleasing and perfect will.” (Romans 12:2 NIV)

Ephesians 4:22-24 reminds us that we are not to continue in our old way of life: “You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.”

Hope for the Sex Addict

For anybody battling an addiction, the one question uppermost in their thoughts might be, “Is there still hope for me?” On our own, it can be hard to create long-lasting change, but through the power of the Holy Spirit and God-given strength, you can overcome. God wants nothing more than for you to accept His love and walk in full freedom.

When you surrender to God, he uses both the good and bad parts of our story for His glory. Romans 8:28 promises believer that “God works all things for good for those who love him and are called according to his purpose.”

You are never so far away that God’s love can’t reach you. You are not excluded from the redemptive work he wants to do in your life. We are only granted on precious life to live. Why not live the abundant life Jesus came to give? Your road to recovery cannot be walked alone. Take the bold next step and reach out to a Christian counselor today.