Seven Helpful Tips for Overcoming Social Anxiety

Social anxiety is more than just shyness, or occasionally feeling nervous in certain social situations. In fact, being a little nervous in a new setting is completely normal. Social anxiety is an intense, persistent fear of being judged and evaluated negatively by other people. With social anxiety, you fear doing something that’s embarrassing and humiliating.  Not only can it impede your social life, but it may affect work, school, and other daily activities as well.

The good news is that overcoming social anxiety is an achievable goal that can be accomplished one small step at a time. These seven tips can help you overcome social anxiety.

Seven helpful tips for overcoming social anxiety

1. Pinpoint situations that trigger your anxiety.

Not everyone with social anxiety experiences the same triggers. For some people, even the most common activities such as ordering food at a restaurant, talking to a salesperson, or needing to use the restroom can cause intense distress. Others may feel mostly fine being around other people as long as they don’t have to speak up or share their thoughts.

Make a list of situations that have caused you to panic and the symptoms they elicited. Try to look at these events from a more positive angle, and think of ways you could do things differently going forward in order to diminish your fears.

For example, you had a panic attack at a concert because it felt suffocating to be surrounded by so many people. Now you are afraid to go to any type of gathering. Next time try sitting in the back of the room or in an aisle seat so you can make an easy exit if you start feeling anxious or closed in.

2. Challenge negative thoughts.

People suffering from social anxiety tend to spend a lot of time thinking about potential embarrassing scenarios such as tripping and spilling something on themselves in front of a room full of people, or calling someone by the wrong name, or laughing at the wrong time, and being judged and humiliated for their actions.

Instead of replaying the same tapes over and over in your head, challenge them by asking yourself why you feel this way. Are your assumptions based on facts, feelings, feelings, or are you engaging in one of the following types of distorted thinking:

Mind reading—assuming you know what other people are thinking
Fortune telling—predicting the future and assuming the worst
Catastrophizing—blowing things out of proportion
Personalizing—assuming everyone is looking at you and judging you

Faulty reasoning can steer you wrong, causing you to misinterpret things, jump to conclusions, and assume others are seeing you in ways that they’re not. People in social situations tend to be more focused on themselves and what they’re going to say or do next than they are in scrutinizing your behavior. They can’t tell how anxious you are just by looking at you, and probably don’t even notice the things you’re mortified about.

For a moment, entertain a positive outcome to help challenge the negative thought. If there is even a 1% chance that things will go better than you thought, give yourself permission to consider it the same way you entertain the negative outcome.

For a moment, entertain a positive outcome to help challenge the negative thought. If there is even a 1% chance that things will go better than you thought, give yourself permission to consider it the same way you entertain the negative outcome.  

3. Take the focus off yourself.

Self-focus can be paralyzing and will only intensify your anxiety. The things you’re so worried about others seeing may not be particularly noticeable to them.

Shift your attention from what’s going on in your head to what’s happening around you. You can’t give your full attention to two things at the same time, so practice staying in the moment, and being genuine and attentive to the conversation at hand. The more engrossed you get in what people are saying, the less likely you are to be consumed by your anxiety.

4. Learn to control your breathing.

Deep, slow, abdominal breaths can have a calming effect on your body and help you stay focused in moments that provoke anxiety. This brings more oxygen flow into your brain and bloodstream so you can truly focus on being present. This brings more oxygen flow into your brain and bloodstream so you can truly focus on being present. There are several exercises, such as the following 4-4-4 Belly Breath one, that can help you learn how to do this.

• Sit or lie in a comfortable position with one hand on your abdomen and the other hand on your chest.
• Breathe in slowly through your nose to the count of four, feeling your belly push your hand out, while your chest remains still.
• Hold your breath for the count of four.
• Slowly exhale through pursed lips while counting to four. Feel the hand on your belly go in as you push out as much air as you can.
• Repeat three to ten times.

5. Make small changes.

Start with something small you can handle, such as smiling at people and saying hello. As you get comfortable doing this, gradually work your way up to more challenging situations. Stopping someone to ask for the time, complimenting a friend on their outfit, asking a co-worker a work-related question, and so on, until you eventually feel confident enough to ask a friend out to lunch or host a get-together in your home. 

6. Perform small acts of kindness.

Doing small acts of kindness on a regular basis makess you feel happy and helpful. Small acts of kindness include things like opening a door for someone, saying “thanks” to a bus driver, giving someone a genuine compliment, giving someone a genuine compliment, offering to mow an elderly neighbor’s lawn, or volunteering to do something you enjoy. These activities can boost your self-esteem and serve as an antidote to your fear of rejection or disapproval.

7. Ask God to help you.

God wants you to turn your anxiety over to Him and not be afraid.  He wants you to trust Him. God created each of us in His image. When you interact with someone remember that they too are an image bearer. They have imperfections, struggles, grief, and may even feel anxious too.

This helps to bring things into proper perspective and take certain people off of an imaginary pedestal that you may have created in your mind. God created each of us in His image. When you interact with someone, remember that they too are an image bearer.

They have imperfections, struggles, grief, and may even feel anxious too. This helps to bring things into proper perspective and take certain people off of an imaginary pedestal that you may have created in your mind.

Consider the promises in the following Bible verses:

Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the LORD is kept safe. – Proverbs 29:25, NIV

Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be afraid, for I am your God. I will strengthen you; I will surely help you; I will uphold you with My right hand of righteousness. – Isaiah 41:10, BLB

Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you. – 1 Peter 5:7, NLT

Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from Me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy, and My burden is light. – Matthew 11:28-30, NIV

Instead of worrying about what other people think of you, see yourself as God sees you. His opinion far outweighs theirs. According to the Bible, you are a valuable original (Psalm 139:13-16), made in God’s image (Genesis 1:27), and are priceless in His sight. He loves you so much that He sent Jesus to die for your sins so you could receive the gift of eternal life (John 3:16).

Take heed to the warning in Proverbs 4:23: “Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life” (NLT). Repeating negative thoughts only reinforces them and makes them stronger. The way to disarm them and render them harmless is by replacing them with the truth of God’s Word. Following are a few examples to get you started.

• I am a child of God. (1 John 3:1)
• I am fearfully and wonderfully made. (Psalm 139:14)
• The Lord is my helper. I have nothing to fear. (Hebrews 13:6)
• God has not given me a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and self-control. (2 Timothy 1:7)
• If God is for me, who can be against me? (Romans 8:31)

Christian counseling to help you overcome.

If you feel you need more help than what the tips for overcoming social anxiety in this article could provide, you may benefit from the extra support and guidance of a trained mental health professional. A counselor can help you identify triggers, recognize and reframe negative thoughts about yourself, and teach you how to develop skills to help you gain confidence in social situations.

Christian counseling involves a combination of biblical principles and clinical intervention. If you have questions or would like to set up an appointment, please contact me or one of the other faith-based counselors in our online counselor directory.