5 Truths to Consider about Christian Divorce

The fact that the rate of Christian divorce is comparable to that of secular society reveals a sad state of affairs. While many unbelievers may enjoy the goodness of what God offers couples in marriage, they are unable to understand its Biblical role and purpose, and the sanctity that God gives this institution, along with the premise that it is a lifelong commitment.

Divorce is thought to be a feasible and even rational option if marital struggles persist and are not able to be overcome, or even if the “spark dies” or a more attractive suitor comes along. Many Christians have fallen prey to the same temptations.

5 Biblical Truths about Christian Divorce

If you are struggling in your marriage and the word “divorce” keeps surfacing, consider looking at and praying through some Biblical truths:

1. The Bible is clear about the grounds for divorce

The Bible makes it clear that Christian divorce is only to take place on certain grounds. It also makes the point that divorce is manmade – God never ordained it. In Matthew 19:7-9 Jesus deals with the Pharisees who are questioning Moses’ command for a certificate of divorce by saying, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses permitted you to divorce your wives; but from the beginning, it has not been this way. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.”

From this Scripture comes the generally accepted view in the evangelical community that, while Christian divorce is still discouraged as far as possible, in circumstances where unrepentant unfaithfulness has taken place, or an unbelieving spouse deserts a believer, a couple can be released from the lifelong covenant of marriage. Circumstances of abuse also need to be treated with utmost seriousness, and no person should be forced to stay in an abusive marriage.

2. Your marriage is not a mistake

When two sinners come together in holy matrimony it does not take long for the roots of our broken, selfish natures to sprout to the surface. When the honeymoon period is over, it is common to start to see faults in our spouses which we never saw previously; and the experience is mutual.

Two unique individuals, with different backgrounds and ways of viewing the world; placed together in the same bed and household, cannot but produce some level of tension. Issues like money, family, work, or daily habits like dealing with stress or even how to load the dishwasher can produce severe relational strain.

Even if you are both believers and long for a solid marriage that pleases God, unless you have the building blocks of good communication, healthy conflict resolution, an understanding of different emotional needs, and spiritual maturity to see your shortcomings, it is easy to spiral downward towards a dark place in your marriage.

You may start to think that you married the wrong person and that you have made a mistake. Divorce, on the grounds of irreconcilable differences, may seem like the only alternative. At this point, it’s important to remember that God is sovereign over every detail of our lives.

According to His will and purpose for your good and His glory, He has seen fit to place you in a marriage relationship with your spouse. Christian divorce is not part of His plan, but sanctification is, and marriage is one of the vehicles He uses to make us more like Christ. God can redeem the messiest marriage, provided we move on from the idea that our marriage is a mistake.

3. Marriage is not easy

Premarital counselors and couples who have been married for a while often tell us that marriage is not easy. But somehow, those words fade into the background when you’re preoccupied with wedding preparations and honeymoon plans. And then, when it doesn’t feel easy, there is a disconnect between what you’ve been told and what you believe should be true of your marriage.

Couples easily get stuck in patterns of blame; thinking that marriage would be easier if their spouse changed. They can spend years focusing on the other person’s faults, building up resentment and unhealthy patterns, without realizing that it is impossible to make someone else change.

Change can only occur internally when an individual has embraced the decision to face their faults and can take ownership over the contribution that they’ve made to the marriage’s demise. No Christian divorce can be attributed to one spouse alone, even if the percentage of responsibility for the relational breakdown is heavily weighted towards one person.

4. Divorce is harder than marriage

The idea of escaping a toxic relationship may have great appeal when you’re in the throes of marital discord. Anything seems like a better solution, and this is when the temptation to move towards Christian divorce can surface. Divorce can seem like the freedom and release you’re after; an opportunity to regain personal identity and perhaps even start afresh.

Divorce, however, is anything but a solution. Our sin can blind us from the reality of what happens when one flesh is divided. Divorce breaks people in a way that cannot always be tangibly seen but which has ramifications that extend through generations, particularly when children are involved.

If you are seriously considering divorce (for reasons other than Biblical grounds), pray to God and ask Him to give you a picture of what your life will look like as a divorced person. We will all stand before the Lord on judgment day and seeing our actions clearly. The truth is that life after divorce will likely be even harder than marriage is, even if that seems difficult to imagine.

5. A mustard seed of faith can save a marriage

The good news is that while marriage is by no means easy (especially Christian marriage, which the devil hates and seeks to attack), even if just one partner is willing to put in the hard work, through prayer and Christian counseling, significant breakthroughs can be made which can prevent divorce, and pave the way towards a stronger-than-ever marriage.

Biblical counselors across the world can attest to the miraculous redemption of marriages which might have seemed beyond repair. Matthew 17:20 says, “And He said to them…’for truly I say to you, if you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, “Move from here to there,” and it will move, and nothing will be impossible to you’.”

A mustard seed is about one to two millimeters in size. Yet, the bush can grow upwards of 20-30 feet tall and wide. The picture the Lord painted for the disciples was one of hope – our faith doesn’t need to be outwardly large to have a significant impact, and a seemingly inconsequential speck of faith can move mountains!

After telling the Pharisees that it was because of their hard hearts that Moses wrote the law about divorce, Jesus goes on to say, “But at the beginning of creation God ‘made them male and female.’ For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ So, they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, let no one separate.” (Mark 10:5-9).

This is the ultimate Biblical truth about marriage, revealing that Christian divorce is not a concept that should be considered if we are truly submitting our lives to Christ. It can be difficult to accept this truth if you are struggling in marriage, and if you find yourself in this position, a Christian counselor would be well placed to walk you through the road towards a restored marriage relationship that brings joy and companionship and is honoring to God.