How to Forgive Yourself After You’ve Messed Up

The burden of regret can weigh us down heavily on our spiritual journey. The best way to release regret is to forgive ourselves. – James Van Praagh.

Why is it Important to Forgive Yourself?

Living with regret and resentment toward yourself can increase the likelihood of severe mental health issues such as voluntary isolation, suicidal ideation, depression, anxiety, and trauma-related issues. It can also impact your occupation, family, and relationship health.

Choosing not to forgive yourself can impact your thought processes, increase your negative self-talk, and reduce your chances of living a full healthy life. It’s important to show yourself grace and to forgive yourself because then you can offer that same forgiveness to others.

You also will have more space to increase your emotional and psychological well-being. Think about what you truly want for your life and ask yourself whether you want to experience constant pain, sadness, and grief based on your mess-ups and mistakes.

If you have truly asked yourself that question and you are honest with yourself you know that what you want in life is to experience love, peace, and freedom. Not engaging with self-forgiveness pushes you further away from love, peace, and freedom and keeps you in a state of inner pain.

Can Forgiveness Be Easy?

Forgiveness, in certain circumstances, can feel much easier and may take a shorter amount of time to journey through. For instance, the doors of the elevator open, an individual attempts to walk out but you, looking at your phone, walk into the elevator and bump into that person, causing them to drop their phone. You quickly apologize, pick up their phone, and ask if there is anything you can do.

Most people would be upset by this situation and might quickly chastise themselves for not paying attention, vow to do better, and move on through their day more present-focused. However, if you are in a rush, driving over the speed limit in a specific zone, and happen to get pulled over or hurt someone, that may take a longer time to forgive because it impacts your livelihood, other people, and your conscience.

When we give ourselves self-compassion, we are opening our hearts in a way that can transform our lives. – Kristin Neff.

What Does it Mean to Mess Up?

Messing up can look a lot of different ways. It can be connected to your spiritual journey, health journey, and even relationship journey with yourself and others. Humans have this idea that once you have sinned, gone against God, or broken the law your name is tarnished and that what was broken cannot be fixed.

However, messing up doesn’t have to define who you are and whose you are. Messing up is just that, a mistake, a choice with consequences, a fall into sin. Messing up is something every human being on this planet has done. It is the one thing we can be sure of: that none of us are perfect and at some point or another you will mess up.

Does God Forgive?

The amazing love of God can forgive anybody and everybody. God does not work within the confines and boundaries of the human mind. God can forgive what you may have done and toss it in the sea of forgetfulness. It is important to be honest and open with God because in doing so you allow God to strengthen you and comfort you during your painful moments.

Growing closer to God, asking for forgiveness, and having faith that God will forgive you are important to your emotional, physical, and spiritual journey. God created us knowing we would make mistakes and need to ask forgiveness. Go to God today, and reveal your heart to Him. Allow God to help you through your forgiveness journey.

How to forgive yourself?

Acknowledge and Identify

The foundation of forgiveness toward yourself is truly acknowledging what you may have done to yourself or someone else. Even if you don’t agree or may not have understood in the past – owning up to your transgressions is primary to your forgiveness journey.

Process and Reflect

Take time to journal about the experience, and talk to people who care about you and those who may have more of an objective opinion. Reflecting does not mean thinking about the issue over and over it means, understanding why you may have done it, what triggers led you to do it, and how you understand each step that led you to the place where you are.

Make Amends

If forgiving yourself is connected to hurting someone else, then making amends is the next step. Making amends means acknowledging your wrongdoing, asking that person if there is something you can do to right your wrong, and creating and living by a set of values that align with healthy living.

Ask God for forgiveness

Asking God for forgiveness is the next step in forgiving yourself because if God who is almighty and powerful can forgive, and He lives within us, then we also have the power to forgive ourselves and other people. Asking for forgiveness means acknowledging your wrongs, and admitting that you need the strength of God to live life in a healthier way.

Resist the Replay

It will be easy to think of all the ways you could have handled the situation so that the outcome could have been different. Resist the urge to spiral because the truth is the outcome and there is nothing that will change that circumstance. Processing and reflecting are for understanding and aligning yourself with better decisions later. But, replaying, and ruminating over the event will only serve to harm you and lead you further away from forgiving yourself.

Take new action/Different Direction

The best way to manage the pain you may have caused else is to adjust your direction in life and make decisions that align with your core values. If you’re finding it hard to forgive yourself because of the magnitude of your transgression, remember that taking new actions helps to retrain your brain to move forward and make different decisions.

Forgive yourself first. Release the need to replay a negative situation over and over again in your mind. Don’t become a hostage to your past by always reviewing and reliving your mistakes. Don’t remind yourself of what should have, could have, or would have been. Release it and let it go. Move on. – Les Brown.

Final Thoughts

Asking yourself for forgiveness can cause you to relive pain, heartbreak, sadness, anxiety, and fear. It’s a scary journey to own up to your own mistakes and mess-ups to move forward and have a more fulfilling life. Forgiving yourself is not an easy journey, but it is an important and worthwhile journey. Resisting grace and forgiveness only serves to exacerbate your pain and trauma.

The journey toward forgiveness is one you will have to perform every single day. Most people are constantly reminded of the mess-ups and mistakes in their life. Forgiving yourself means no longer allowing the mistakes to have power over you. Acknowledge, identify, process, reflect, make amends, ask God for forgiveness, resist the urge to replay, and make different decisions for your life.

If you find that you have taken the above steps but cannot move through the pain of the mistakes you have made, please do reach out to a licensed professional, pastor, mentor, or someone you trust to help you through this journey. The worst thing you can do is isolate yourself instead of getting the help you may need. Remember, if you are a Christian, God has already forgiven you and still loves you. Resist torture, and embrace love and freedom in God.

The only true way to create a more loving, productive, and fulfilling life is by forgiving the past. – Iyanla Vanzant