Marriage Counseling

The answer to this is YES!

Research shows that marriage counseling is able to mend and strengthen marriages. Couples that were counseled are happier than 70-80% of couples that were not. In a survey by the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists, approximately 98% of the couples said they received good to excellent therapy; 97% got what they needed, and 93% gained more effective tools for handling marriage issues.

When should this be done?

The answer to this is NOW if you and your spouse are facing any issues. When marriage problems are left unresolved, there is a chance that the marriage may end in separation. In the U.S., it is expected that roughly 20 to 25% of all marriages will end in divorce.

Sadly, despite the encouraging statistics for marriage counseling, not everybody undergoes it. Or if they do, it is when there is nothing much left to save. This is why counseling should be sought out immediately before things worsen.

The team at LA Christian Counseling is wholly committed to saving marriages, regardless of how big the problem is. Years of experience have allowed us to successfully counsel couples of diverse backgrounds and age groups. Every couple is different so our treatment plan is customized to suit their unique needs.

The professional counselors at Los Angeles Christian Counseling use insight-oriented marital therapy (97% success rate!) which focuses on getting each spouse to know him or herself individually so that they may heal and then become a more loving partner. With God’s vision for marriage always in mind, we aim to have the couple understand and embrace His marital design so that their life on earth will be joyful and fruitful.

Through Christian counseling in Los Angeles, spouses will:

• Identify, process, and resolve the issues that are hurting their marriage;
• Learn how to communicate better, including how to state their needs without anger or fear;
• Discover how to settle current and future disputes in a healthier way;
• Understand and appreciate their spouse even more;
• Establish clear goals for their married life;
• Restore trust and intimacy;
• Improve their spiritual connection with God, individually and as a couple.

Big or small, no problem is too difficult for our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

Marriage is beautiful. It was established by God so it is good. A happy marriage not only benefits the family, it also benefits the community around it.

But it takes time for some people to settle into the marriage. Prior to married life, the spouses lived life in their own way. Now, they are asked to sacrifice personal desires and goals for the sake of their spouse and children. It is no wonder why problems arise and why small issues can eventually snowball into bigger ones.

Differences in Communication

Men and women are different. They have differing needs, thought processes, and ways of expression. Because of this, it takes time for them to adjust to one another in marriage, particularly in communication. However, not all couples are aware of this need for mutual adjustment. In fact, many wrongly assume that if their spouse really loved them, then they should already know what they need since their close friends understand them quite well. Communication has been lost!

For communication difficulties, Christian marriage counseling helps the spouses:

• Recognize the barriers to effective communication.
• Develop their listening skills.
• Improve their assertion of thoughts and feelings (verbal and nonverbal) in the right way.
• Learn how to read their partner’s nonverbal communication signals.
• Handle emotional responses and stress in a healthier way.

God designed marriages to last a lifetime. It should not fall apart just because of communication issues. This can be learned if spouses are willing to give it a try.

Problems with Money Matters

Two different bank accounts coming together can be a really sticky situation. The majority of married couples (64%!) state that money matters are an issue. This stems from plans for how to manage their finances that are unclear from the start. This becomes trickier if there is a big difference in how much each spouse earns; if only one holds on to the money; or both spouses have different views on money itself (e.g. saving for the future versus enjoy now; help others versus help only the family). When not handled properly, resentment builds up which may lead to other issues such as lying about money, overspending, gambling or stealing from one another.

For money issues, Christian marriage counseling helps the spouses:

• Develop trust in one another regarding finances.
• Agree about how to manage the budget, save, and share in the financial responsibilities.
• Establish monetary goals for a more secure future.
• Address negative behaviors (e.g. gambling, overspending) that hurt the family financially.
• Understand the Biblical perspective on wealth in the family.

While money is important, it is supposed to be just a tool. Jesus teaches us that righteousness and the kingdom of God should be pursued first and that all else will be added unto us.

Sexual Intimacy Issues

Sex is an integral part of marriage as the husband and wife must become one physically, leading to a better appreciation of one another and procreation. Most couples, however,eventually experience troubles (e.g. low sexual drive, unfulfilled desires, too busy) in this area which can cause feelings of hurt or neglect. Sadly, talking about their sex problems together is not always something couples are able to do as it may seem awkward at times, especially in cultures where discussing sex is taboo. Left unchecked, a host of issues may then follow, including the danger of seeking intimacy elsewhere.

For sexual concerns, Christian marriage counseling helps the spouses:

• Share their sexual expectations and desires with each other in a safe environment.
• Address issues about low sexual drive, sexual performance, and other anxieties about sex.
• Find ways to schedule time for intimacy.
• Combat sex and pornography addiction.

As a beautiful gift given to spouses to express their love for one another, sex within the bounds of marriage is meant to be mutually enjoyed, not disregarded.

Adjusting to Married Life with the Baby

When the first child comes along, things really change for the couple. As a precious gift from God, couples are usually ecstatic about being able to raise their own bundle of joy. However, parenthood brings with it new responsibilities and challenges.The new parents must now learn to balance work and family time, especially time with each other. They have to earn and budget better in anticipation of current and future needs of the child; and they have to love, teach, and discipline this newest member of the family. All of these can add to much stress, straining the couple’s relationship.

For life with children, Christian marriage counseling helps the spouses …

• Concretize their preferred parenting style and the core values they wish to instill.
• Discuss how to share parental responsibilities in a fair way.
• Discover better ways to discipline, interact with, and teach their children.
• Maintain an intimate and loving relationship despite the added responsibilities of parenting.
• Learn how to raise a Godly family.

Children are meant to be additional blessings to the family and not a reason for the spouses to drift apart.

Trust is Broken

When trust is broken, it is very difficult to regain.Yet without trust, a marriage can never truly be happy as your number one enemy is your own supposed “partner-for-life.” However, in many marriages trust may be broken consciously or unconsciously. Infidelity is the usual cause of broken trust – be it a one night stand or a prolonged affair. But trust issues are not just limited to infidelity.Other trust issues may exist due to past trauma (e.g. abuse, betrayal) or present concerns (e.g. covering up a failed investment, involvement in a crime) that prevent one spouse from completely trusting their partner.These naturally lead to a gap in the relationship.

For broken trust, Christian marriage counseling helps the spouses:

• Understand their current emotions and fears in a safe and neutral environment.
• Confront and resolve underlying issues that led to the affair (e.g. lack of time with the family, emotional gaps, temptations from the past, addiction to sex or pornography)
• Process symptoms of betrayal such as anxiety, depression, flashbacks, nightmares and more.
• Rebuild love and trust in one another.

The loss of trust is a serious issue indeed. But with Christ’s help, true forgiveness and complete healing can occur.

Maintaining a Godly Marriage

Sadly, in this day and age, belief in our triune God has been set aside in favor of universal acceptance. Because of this, partners of different beliefs get married leading to confusion in the family’s spiritual path. In other cases, the couple may have the same beliefs but one partner is not as God-centered as the other, causing uncertainty as well in the direction of the family.

For concerns about beliefs, Christian marriage counseling helps the spouses:

• Discuss worries and fears about their different beliefs.
• Appreciate the spiritual needs of their partner.
• Understand the importance of faith in family decisions and direction.
• Grow together in faith, even if there are differences.
• Strengthen their prayer and worship as a family as they make God first.

Does a God-centered marriage matter? YES, it does!Couples that worship together are 35-50% less likely to separate. And of course, if children see such a loving God-centered marriage, they will probably seek the same when it is their time to leave the nest. This is why it is important that the spouses know how to keep their eyes focused on God.

Preventing Divorce

As mentioned above, divorce is a reality in today’s times with 20 to 25% of couples ending up separating, going against God’s design for marriage. The causes per couple may vary (again, see above) but the underlying wish for most is to be “happy again.”

What many do not realize is that divorce does not guarantee happiness.The following are some of the effects of divorce:

• Negative emotional and physical effects – Though it is “happiness” that the now-separated partners seek, it is not always the case. The emotional pain of divorce may cause anxiety, depression, sleep disorders, or substance abuse. Divorcees are also at risk for medical conditions such as heart disease, stroke, weight loss or cancer.All of these issues combined may prevent a person from finding true love again as they are now anxious about married life. This is why some people undergo two or more divorces during their lifetime as something has broken inside.
• Financial problems – Divorce is expensive! In the U.S., the average cost of divorce is $15,000. Aside from that, assets are split and alimony payments may cause a person to spend more than they bargained for. Even if you are the one receiving the support, there is always that danger of late payments or other issues causing much strain. When added to the emotional pain, it is no wonder why a divorcee’s health often deteriorates.
• Adverse effects on the children – If the spouses are hurt by the separation, how much more the kids?Many children blame themselves for not doing their part to save their parents’ marriage. Others become confused, scared, or ashamed of their circumstances. These negative feelings affect their school life (e.g. poor grades, truancy); their self-image (e.g. low self-esteem, inferiority complex); and their overall character (e.g. substance abuse, promiscuity, crime).

As mentioned above, divorce is a reality in today’s times with 20 to 25% of couples ending up separating, going against God’s design for marriage. The causes per couple may vary (again, see above) but the underlying wish for most is to be “happy again.”

What many do not realize is that divorce does not guarantee happiness. The following are some of the effects of divorce:

• Understand the negative effects of divorce on the entire family.
• Discuss and overcome the underlying problems behind the desire for separation.
• Rekindle the love and appreciation for one another.
• Place God in the center so they will always be guided, strengthened, and encouraged.

As hopeless as your situation may be, divorce should never be the fallback plan. Much can be done with Christ’s help in Christian counseling in Los Angeles. In fact, counseled couples that are willing to stick it out have an 80% chance of truly having a happy marriage!

Don’t allow your marriage to go to waste. You can have a joyful and blessed marriage if you seek help now.

God designed marriage to be beautiful and joyful. If this is not what you are experiencing, then get the help you need before it is too late. To learn more about Christian marriage counseling in Los Angeles or to schedule your risk-free initial session, call us at (949) 386-7182 or contact us online.