Why Am I Not Married? 7 Bible Verses that Help Answer the Question

Getting married and being able to have a family is a huge part of life here on earth. Those that don’t find marriage partners after a seeking period may struggle with singleness, and question why God has not blessed them in this way. It is worth going back to the Bible to remind ourselves that, while marriage is an institution that brings many good things, it is very much possible to live a fulfilled and productive life without being married, and the question “Why am I not married?” should not be our entire preoccupation.

So then, he who marries the virgin does right, but he who does not marry her does better. A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord. In my judgment, she is happier if she remains as she is – and I think I too have the spirit of God. – Corinthians 1. 7:38-40

Being unmarried means that you are freed up to serve Christ without the distraction of a family. Your attention is not divided, and you can remain fully focused on living for the Lord. This is neither a command nor a judgment, though. We can devote our lives to Christ because the time we have here is short and the world as we know it will soon pass away.

The disciples said to Him, “If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry.” – Matthew 19:10

The Pharisees were questioning Jesus about why Moses allowed divorce, although it was not like this in the beginning. Their hearts had become hardened, so the Lord had told them, “I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman, commits adultery.” On hearing this, the disciples considered it preferable not to marry.

Is this fear of a failed marriage stopping us from marrying? Or was it perhaps a case of “cold feet” and they should have gone ahead and married when the opportunity arose? They then end up asking themselves the question, “Why am I not married?” Not every person is made to marry. God has plans for you to serve Him in some way during your time on this earth. You will still have a fulfilling role to play that can be shared with others.

You must not marry and have sons or daughters in this place. – Jeremiah 16:2

The prophet Jeremiah was instructed to refrain from marriage and having children by the Lord, for he lived in the land of Judea where great calamities and wars were to happen. Prophets did marry, but a wife and children would increase his concern, worry, and sorrow in this instance. Normally it would be desirable to marry.

What can we learn from this? If a man or woman finds themselves unmarried, it may mean that God has other plans for your life that a family would distract you from. Some indeed become missionaries, but that does not preclude any form of union or marriage. This verse goes further in answering the question of “Why am I not married?” by implying that God is protecting you from anguish and regret in your life so that you can focus fully on working for the Lord.

Everyone who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery, and he who marries a woman divorced from her husband commits adultery. – Luke 16:18

These are tough verses from God. It was common for Jewish men to send their wives away with the flimsiest excuse, often without a certificate. Marrying another divorced woman, as has been mentioned, whose ex-husband was still alive, was seen as adultery. It was best to stay married and work things out as commanded in Scripture, particularly from the wife’s side if she had strayed.

In this light, many people might fear marriage. They then though might end up regrettably in life asking themselves, “Why am I not married?” Given that you had to wait for the previous partner to die before you could remarry, it could entail a long wait, so one needed to be sure that they were coming together with the right person from the start. Marital breakups are extremely distressing for everyone involved, and leave a legacy of heartache and emotional trauma, particularly if children are involved.

At the resurrection people will neither marry nor be given in marriage; they will be like the angels in heaven. – Matthew 22:30

The verse is the Lord Jesus’ reply to the Sadducees who were attempting to pit Moses’ command that the brother of a deceased childless man to marry the widow and raise produce offspring for him against the also clear teaching that there is life after death.

Jesus then told them they were incorrect and did not know the scriptures or God’s power. He then stated the above verse to them. In short, there is no marriage in heaven, even if a wife marries several brothers who may die before her, she belongs to none in the hereafter. This does not mean we should not marry on earth. Asking yourself “Why am I not married?” when you know we will be just like the angels, unmarried, in heaven, should not stop you from seeking to be married and hopefully raising a family here on earth.

If he marries another woman, he must not deprive the first one of her food, clothing, and marital rights. – Exodus 21:10

God is here establishing rules for the people of Israel to live by. The context of the verse above is a culture in which polygamy was practiced (against God’s design for one man, one woman), and refers to married men who took a second wife and had children with them. The man was then prohibited from denying his first wife her rights under that marriage.

Today, such a practice is largely uncommon in Western cultures. Today’s men and women are largely free to choose marriage or a life of celibacy, following their dreams of a top career or raising a family. Some married women manage both, all with the help of a supportive spouse. Many western women don’t need monetary support from a partner, and so the question “why am I not married?” may only occur to them later in life, when other goals have been attained.

That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. – Genesis 2:24

God created the woman to be a helper to the man. He saw it was not good for him to be alone. And so it has been throughout time. Despite our disastrous beginnings in the Garden of Eden, God, despite imposing rules and sanctioning us for our misdemeanors, still loves us and wants the best for us. He advocates marriage, yet because of sin, divorce often occurs.

Are we more promiscuous? Is getting divorced too easy? We start with the question “why am I not married?” and end up asking ourselves “why did I get married?” Some try several times to marry or find the “right” person. Our expectations of marriage can be high, but marriage does the work of revealing our sin to us. It is a sanctifying union that, with God’s help, strips us of our selfish desires and helps us to love another sinner unconditionally.