When the question, “Will I ever get married?” is the cry of your soul, the silent lack of response can be deafening. Friends and family will try their best to pacify and prophesy, and may even put their best match-making efforts to the test.
For the Christian single, however, it is only God who knows the answer to this question; and His failure to deliver a spouse according to our timing is not a sign that he does not know or does not care; but rather that He cares very much indeed – if He has numbered the very hairs on your head (Matthew 10:30), then you can be sure that He has the very best plan laid out for every day of your life.
5 Things to Consider Before You Get MarriedYou may be struggling with singleness, or you may simply be guessing as to what lies ahead; in both instances, here are five ways to renew your mind on the issue of marriage:
1. Understand the “couple culture” that affects our views
Take a step back and observe the culture in which we are currently living: it is obsessed with romance, dating, and marriage. Most movies feature a love story, beyond just your usual “romantic comedy.” If you don’t have a partner, it’s because you simply haven’t signed up for enough dating apps; and the wedding industry has exploded to epic proportions.
While finding a companion is one of God’s exciting gifts dating back to Adam and Eve, and there is much to sing and write about regarding the emotional state of falling in and out of love, our culture seems to elevate marriage; and this is especially common within the church.
The result is that singleness is sometimes seen as a lesser state. Questions arise as to whether a girlfriend or boyfriend is on the horizon; how one is “coping” and suggestions of who might be available, simply amplify the anguish in the plea: “will I ever get married?” If marriage is such a haloed circumstance, why then does the Bible see singleness as a perfectly valid state?
The Bible makes it clear that both marriage and singleness are good things, and the apostle Paul says that singleness is something to be valued while one has it. This is worth reflecting on and digging deeper into; as we hold up a Biblical lens to the secular world which has such an influence, often unwittingly, on our emotional state.
2. Remind yourself that singleness and marriage are both temporaryIf you are feeling stuck in singleness and feel like your life is on hold as you wonder “will I ever get married?”; renew your mind with the truth that Jesus says that our marital state is something that only pertains to this life. No one will stay married or get married in heaven (Matthew 22:30; Mark 12:25; Luke 20:34-36); and so, the marriages that we know will have no purpose in heaven.
If getting married is such an incredible thing and seems like the sole purpose or desire of your heart now, ask God to lift your eyes toward heaven – the happiest place that exists, there will be no weddings, marriage, or sex. It may be a hard leap to make, and this advice in no way means to diminish the pain of loneliness, but marriage here on earth is very brief.
Even if we get to enjoy ten, twenty, thirty, or more years of it here, in light of eternity it will have been something very brief. In Christ, we are not single after all, as we are joined with our Savior and He is our ultimate bridegroom.
If you are longing for the comfort, security, and intimacy that marriage promises, ask God to truly show you how He can meet your need, as you let go of your earthly longings. This does not mean to say that you will remain single, but rather that you will be able to wait on God’s good plan without feeling incomplete and undone.
3. Delight in God’s good gifts for you
Every season of life that God gives you is for a reason; every season is a gift to be delighted in, even the difficult ones. James Chapter 1 exhorts us to consider the difficult ones as “pure joy”; as our trials are tests of our faith that produce perseverance, and that perseverance results in spiritual maturity (James 1:2-4).If you are finding it difficult to endure being single, perhaps while everyone around you seems to be getting married, and the question “will I ever get married?” seems to be on your lips as well as those of friends and family, it is good to be honest with God about your struggle, and to ask Him to show you that your state of singleness is a gift; perhaps not forever, but until He shows you otherwise.
Ask Him to help you delight in what this gift might mean – more ability to serve at church; to pour into friends and family who need support; energy to pursue sports or hobbies, and just time to be able to grow in your knowledge of God’s Word and in who He has made you.
Rather than look back and be filled with regret on time wasted by just “waiting”, ask God for motivation to be able to understand who you are, your strengths and weaknesses, and how best you can maximize your gifts and talents.
4. Take up the battle against idolatry
The devil prowls around like a roaring lion (1 Peter 5:8), preying on your insecurity in your singleness is an easy win for him. When you are a Christian single, there is much temptation to ward off – temptation against sexual immorality, temptation to compromise and get into a relationship with an unbeliever; temptation to feel discontent without a partner.
The good news is that the Bible makes it clear that “God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted; He will also provide a way out so that you can endure it” (1 Corinthians 10:13).
Much of overcoming the battle against idolizing marriage and making it something that your heart considers more desirable and important than the Lord Himself, is knowing that you’re in a battle in the first place. Once you know that your singleness is a spiritual battle, you will be able to arm yourself with God’s armor and stand firm together with His Word as your powerful weapon.
5. Understand God as the great treasure
While each one of us is called to pursue a relationship with God, as a single wondering “will I ever get married?” it should be remembered that God, Himself, is to be our greatest treasure. If you are waiting on God’s plan for when or if you’ll end your time of being single, spend the time learning to value Him above all else. You won’t be disappointed.
One of the tricky games the devil plays is convincing us that when we get married (or have a bigger house, or have children, or get a better job, and so on) all our problems will go away. The truth is that marriage, while indeed a blessing, will bring with it added complications.
If we are not learning contentment in God now, we certainly will not suddenly realize it if our prayer of getting married is answered in the affirmative. If you are single now, focus rather on how you can realize God’s love for you, so that, whether you marry or don’t; you will become more spiritually equipped to serve as part of God’s family and kingdom.
“Bride and Groom”, Courtesy of StockSnap, Pixabay.com, CC0 License; “Book of Love”, Courtesy of JessBaileyDesign, Pixabay.com, CC0 License; “Bouquet”, Courtesy of Free-Photos, Pixabay.com, CC0 License; “Jesus Saves”, Courtesy of Edwin Andrade, Unsplash.com, CC0 License