Help for Handling Loneliness

When you are experiencing loneliness, everything feels harder: going places, engaging with people, being alone, and even working through lonely feelings to get to a better place feels harder because of the way loneliness feels.

The very nature of loneliness creates a cycle from which it can feel hard to break free. Feeling lonely can lead to choices that keep you alone, making you feel even more isolated. This isolation leaves us feeling lonely, perpetuating the cycle.

Loneliness feeds loneliness. And sometimes as much as you want to break free from that cycle, it can feel hard to know how. The good news is that you don’t need to do it alone. Even in your loneliest moments, you are never truly alone.

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” – Isaiah 41:10, NIV

This verse from Isaiah is a reminder to you that you don’t need to fear loneliness because God is always with you. While these words do bring comfort, it doesn’t mean you never feel lonely.

Are you lonely?

Some feelings are widely accepted in society. You can talk about feeling stressed or happy, tired or excited, busy or even worried and people accept them and understand. But when you go deeper and consider other feelings, things seem different.

Loneliness tends to be one of the feelings about which people shy away from talking. Maybe we do this because it’s uncomfortable or because we don’t know how to help. No matter the reason, it often results in people disregarding and mislabeling loneliness as one of the more acceptable things to share.

Instead of saying I’m lonely people say things like:

• I’m just so busy. I never seem to have time to connect with people.
• This is such a stressful time at work. No one understands.
• There is so much to do at home. I never seem to get out.

While things like busyness and stress may be true, they can either mask how a person truly feels or be the cause of a deeper feeling like loneliness. This is why it’s important to ask yourself how you really feel.

Ask the question: Am I lonely?

Think about it. Don’t rush to an answer. Consider how the idea feels to you. Ponder how connected you feel to people. Think about whether you feel seen and understood. Even consider how you spend your time. It isn’t until you spend a little time thinking about this that you will find your answer.

What is loneliness?

If you’re having some trouble answering the question about your feelings, it can help to understand what loneliness is. Like many terms, we have a general idea of what it may mean but lack a firm definition.

“Loneliness is a feeling of unwanted isolation or lack of connection, whether you are alone or surrounded by others.” (Everyday Health)

The key to understanding loneliness is by considering the three components:

Unwanted. This isn’t something you are seeking. Some people like to have time alone or to have solitude. They like to keep to themselves and minimize connection with others. Loneliness is different from that because it is not something the person wants.

Isolation or lack of connection. There is a physical, emotional, or social separation between you and other people. This could be your family, friends, coworkers, or any other relationships in your life.

Regardless of the people around you. It doesn’t matter whether you are alone or you are around lots of people. This feeling can happen whether there are people in your proximity or not because it is about the connection more than the physical presence (although that can also play a role.)

Loneliness can result from things like a loss of a loved one or job, a change in living situation, health issues, financial stress, or a shift in a relationship. However, it doesn’t have to be connected to anything. Sometimes there are times when you are lonely and don’t understand why.

What does loneliness feel like?

Loneliness can manifest in a variety of ways depending on factors like personality and life circumstances. There are, however, some common things associated with loneliness.

Feelings of sadness or emptiness, longing for connection, insecurity, disconnect, or feeling left out are among the most common indicators. You can also feel misunderstood, exhausted (especially by social situations), stuck in the past, or generally empty.

More severe ways loneliness can be exhibited include decreased energy, withdrawal/self-isolating, feeling worthless, sleep changes including insomnia or sleeping excessively, changes in spending habits, and even paranoia.

These feelings can be mild, moderate, or severe, and can often vacillate throughout the day or in different situations.

You’re not the only one to feel this way.

If you are feeling any of these things associated with loneliness, you are not the only one who feels this. Sometimes knowing that can help you feel a little more connected to those around you. Even in the Bible, many people felt lonely, including Jesus.

Leah’s loneliness. (Genesis 29)

In Genesis 29 we learn about Leah, the first wife of Jacob. Unfortunately, her sister was Jacob’s true love, becoming his second wife. Leah lacked the connection she desired with her husband as well as her sister.

Hagar’s loneliness. (Genesis 21)

A servant of Sarah, Hagar was cast into the desert when she bore Abraham’s son Ishmael. Hagar and her son were isolated in the wilderness with no help, leaving her lonely and longing for help.

The bleeding woman’s loneliness. (Mark 5)

Bleeding for twelve years, considered unclean according to Jewish custom, this woman was likely all alone. She would not have been able to sit with other women or go to the temple. Another person couldn’t even touch her because she was considered unclean. She lived in isolation with a lack of any connection for many years.

The Bible is full of people who struggled with loneliness just like people do today.

Tips for handling loneliness

Handling your loneliness can sometimes feel even more polarizing, leaving you alone in the struggle. But that can change.

Start by telling God how you feel. God promises to meet you where you are and comfort you in your times of need. Just like He was for the people in the Bible, He is there for you. There is no feeling you can have that would make Him love you less. He is there for all of it.

Do things that help your physical well-being. Spend time outside, exercise, and get an appropriate amount of rest. These things have a big impact on your health and overall wellness. Doing physical activity and being outdoors are mood boosters that can help with an array of feelings, including loneliness.

Try things to improve your social and emotional well-being. Go to church, engage with another person or a group, try a hobby, or start a gratitude journal. Things like this foster connection and instill hope, even when you just do small things. Start by naming one thing you are grateful for or sending a friend a text to say hello. Even small things make a big difference.

Seek help from a professional. Counselors are trained to help you understand and process your feelings. As you do this, you can find strategies specific to your needs that will help you move from a place of loneliness to discover the connection for which you long.

Final thoughts

Loneliness can feel hard and isolating. Unfortunately, that makes it even harder to work through. Instead of trying to do it on your own, reach out today. There are counselors in our office who can make the journey easier.