The Relationship Reboot: Encouragement and Strategy to Overcome Offense and Resentment

Relationships can often be the source of some of our greatest joy and deepest pain and resentment. Whether we are encountering family members, friends, neighbors, or colleagues, interactions with others are part of our daily lives. When we observe milestones and mundane moments, our connections navigate us through both delightful and distressing times.

Sometimes, we encounter unexpected joys that reinforce our bond; and other times, we experience disappointment that threatens to divide us. When we have been deeply wounded, especially in the relationships nearest to our hearts, it can be difficult to recover from the offense and the resentment that ensues.

A brother offended is more unyielding than a strong city, and quarreling is like the bars of a castle. – Proverbs 18:19, ESV

Hurt characterizes our interactions with mistrust. It sparks anger that we stow in the recesses of our hearts, burning and eroding responsiveness to the connection that once made us feel so alive (Ecclesiastes 7:9).

Tips for Overcoming Resentment

When these uncomfortable feelings linger, unforgiveness festers. It deposits resentment’s residue on souls and infects our interactions as we vow to protect ourselves from future vulnerability. It lines the walls of our hearts and colors our minds with jaded perspectives that disrupt our ability to form meaningful and lasting connections without conditions attached.

Comfort and counsel.

Often, we steamroll over emotions, flattening them to the ground and refusing our hearts space to breathe and be healed. In some circles, we may have learned that we should forgive and forget. In others, we may have been counseled to cut off the offender. It isn’t that we dismiss forgiveness, moving forward, or establishing boundaries; but before doing anything, we need to have a safe place to express our pain.

We are wise to take space with the Lord, allowing Him to steady us when we are reeling from emotional pain and mental distress.

God is concerned about our feelings. He doesn’t want us to remain enslaved to them such that they debilitate us. We can ask the Holy Spirit to love and forgive through us, but that comes by first bringing our broken and wounded hearts.

When we allow the Light of His Word to search us, we don’t only see the other person’s infractions; but we see our own need to repent and refresh in His Presence. God will guide us, even as we take time to embrace spiritual truth and practical strategies to recover from resentment (Matthew 7:3-5).

When the connections that have been central to our lives have been disrupted, we need to take time to recalibrate. Forcing a stop or pausing activity can give space to reset what needs to be restored to working order. Unplugging from potential triggers that would prolong our healing may be necessary.

While we invest in solitude, reflection with the Lord, and even wise counsel, we can gather what is needed to help us see with fresh eyes. It isn’t time that heals the wounds of offense and resentment. What we do when embracing prayer and perspective sparks the impetus to restart and reconcile.

Force a stop.

Before we advance, we may need to step away from constant interaction, if possible. That seems counterintuitive, but it is essential to commune with our hearts (Psalm 4:4). Investing the time to process thoughts and feelings may help us acknowledge and understand the issues that resulted in resentment.

Prematurely engaging and accelerating communication with our friends and relatives about deep-seated matters, may retraumatize us and incite more pain. It may be uncomfortable for our relationships to be out of joint, but we need to allow time for resetting and regrouping.

In resetting a relationship, we need to re-evaluate the nature of a connection. While it may seem difficult, we need to create a boundary where God can work within our hearts to recalibrate what isn’t working internally.

Sometimes, pausing communication allows the space for us to address wounds in the private space of our reflection and relationship with the Lord. Within this established time, engaging with the One who knows the hearts of all involved, comforts and encourages us in His Word. He is wise enough to navigate our path in ways that will teach and lead to the destiny He’s imagined.

Power off.

Sometimes, the best approach is to disconnect from distractions that could exacerbate resentment, even if that means temporarily muting certain social media connections or withdrawing from conversations about the situation or person involved with our uncomfortable situation.

Instead of constantly responding to every ping, notification, or request for information, we can embrace an intentional time of quiet where we turn our hurt and concern over to the Lord in silence. Powering off our devices for a time gives space to rest and recalibrate our minds from the buzz of constant activity that might otherwise trigger anxiety and elevate irritation.

Embracing stillness allows us to decompress in God’s abiding presence. It enables us to focus our attention on nurturing the peace that restores from the inside out.

Unplug.

Nature announces God’s majesty and abundant care for the earth and all its inhabitants, including us. Jesus used illustrations of natural phenomena to illustrate the peace that accompanies resting in the Father’s provision. Intentional moments in nature can refresh us with new perspectives and little investment.

Whether sitting in a park or walking in the neighborhood, the outdoors beckons us to embrace God’s creativity and splendor. His attention to detail, in the small and great, serve to boost our faith and peace, reminding us of His concern and sensitivity to our every need (Matthew 6:26).

We can carve out space to breathe, reminded that the Breath of God stirs within. Using our breath, with intention, recovers a calmed heartbeat and focuses our minds when we may be triggered by reminders of our emotional pain.

With each inhale, we breathe in, welcoming the spirit of God to fill every part of our person. On a slower exhale, we release the disturbing emotions, including the stress and tensions that have settled into our minds and bodies following difficult interpersonal encounters.

We can actively choose to surrender burdens to the Lord in these moments of stillness, exchanging them for the grace, peace, and healing that only He offers.

Restart.

While all relationships may not continue after an offense, some connections will resume. In our reconciliation, we would be naive to assume that the relationship will be the same. Often, challenges can not only test a relationship but strengthen it. When we reconnect with God’s wisdom, He provides insight and strategy for us to restart and rebuild. It doesn’t happen without establishing agreement, boundaries, and communication.

We can recover from the effects of offense and resentment. It begins with our own heart and its responsiveness to the One who orchestrated our connections with family and friends. The Holy Spirit will heal hearts that come to Him. He will also help us to address our human frailties and receive grace for our shortcomings. This makes us more empathetic, compassionate, and ready to cover others’ faults with love and prayer.

Next steps to overcome offense and resentment.

It is encouraging to know that despite the pain we have endured in our relationships there is hope for reconciliation. With support, we can learn to rebound, but also prepare our hearts to navigate future offenses.

The human heart is resilient and fragile, and we need to seek the One who created it to best care for it. Enlisting the help of a trained counselor can be essential to understand practical guidelines that will heal and improve our communication. As you search and schedule with a counselor on this site, keep your heart open to the ways that God might want to restart your heart and reboot your relationships.