Relationship Advice: When to Bring Her Home to the Family

The road that a relationship takes can be long, winding, confusing, beautiful, complicated, easy, stressful, and refreshing, all at once. You cannot always tell from the outset what your relationship will look like.

Yes, there are some red flags and green flags that can indicate to you early on if proceeding toward a romantic relationship with someone will be a good idea or an unwise one. It is wise to pay attention to those flags, but it is important to recognize that how things unfold is not necessarily set in stone.

One of the milestones in a relationship is when you bring your romantic partner to meet the people in your family. This is a step that requires some delicate negotiation depending on your situation.

If you have a tight-knit family, or if one or both of you have children from previous relationships that you’ll be introducing, there may be certain expectations that accompany that move. Thinking through what bringing someone home means, and talking through when the best time might be to do this is a significant point in a relationship.

Considerations for Bringing Someone Home to Your Family

Knowing where you are in the relationship requires self-awareness as well as clear communication between the two of you. An open relationship, one in which you can have difficult conversations about what you feel and where you are at, allows both people to feel comfortable with the pace of things. When you can talk freely about whether or not your relationship is moving forward in ways you are both happy with, that is a win!

Bringing a person home to meet your family is not an easy thing that can happen all the time. Your family are the people that are most likely closest to you. That family may be made up of people that are related to you by blood, but they can also be the found family that forms your closest connections and support network. These are the people that are invested in your life, and they are concerned for your well-being and happiness.

Inviting a romantic interest to meet those that are significant in your life can be daunting because their opinions matter to you. If your family and your romantic partner do not hit it off, that can bring strain to the relationships around you. Additionally, introducing your new love to your family can send all sorts of signals, intended and otherwise, to both your family and your partner.

Ask yourself the following questions as you consider introducing your romantic partner to your family.

Have You Ever Brought Anyone Else Home?

If you have brought other people home, there may be less pressure on the person you bring. A person who rarely brings a romantic interest over to meet their parents or friends may be communicating that this particular relationship is serious, and they are taking a significant step. Other people may be on the other end of the spectrum. They invite a person on their first date to a family function, and they do not mind exposing their family to various people.

Depending on your situation, bringing someone home may indicate that something significant is happening, or it may just be a Tuesday. If it is your first time bringing someone home, it may be wise to prime the people in your circle about what you intend by the move, and what you do not mean. It is far too easy for people to start thinking wedding bells are in the air when it is not quite there yet.

Part of the considerations for when to bring someone home may also take account of your age. If you are in high school or college, how your family take it might depend on how they perceive you. The situation may change when you are working, and it can also change based on what you communicate about the person you are bringing home. If you want your circle to like her, that can indicate that you are serious about things.

How Will Your Family Take It?

That leads to the question of how your family will take it. Some families are tight knit, and family functions are for family only. Bringing your romantic interest to such an occasion may indicate that you are thinking about this person joining your family. Other families have a different ethic, and bringing home a date is not an event.

You know your family and your circle. Ask yourself how they will understand the situation, and then ask yourself if that is the message you want to send. It may simply be easier to attend Thanksgiving, Christmas, your family vacation, or your cousin’s wedding alone to avoid sending mixed messages. That goes for your family, and it also goes for your partner, who has her own understanding of what meeting someone’s family means.

Prepare Her and Your Family for the Visit

If you are eager for your family to like your chosen partner, one of the things you can do is to help her prepare for it. These meetings can be awkward and making a good first impression can amount to significant pressure. Many women and parent will interpret an invitation to meet your one another as an indicator of how serious you are. If that is the case, be clear about that with both parties.

Preparation can take several forms, including telling your family and your girlfriend about one other ahead of time so that they can feel prepared. Knowing what topics of conversation to avoid and what common interests may be segways for connection, can all ease conversation.

Also, letting whoever is hosting know allergies or dietary preferences ahead of time, will communicate thoughtfulness. You can discuss if a gift is appropriate, house rules that are held dearly, and even how your family likes to show affection.

For you, going home is likely returning to a place that is comfortable and familiar. Remember to think about things from her perspective. These are people that are important to you, but she does not really know them, and there is a lot at stake. Help her to feel comfortable in the situation.

If You Have Children, How Old Are They?

Many people will set a healthy boundary around their children. They will not introduce romantic partners too early in the relationship, or if the direction of the relationship is not clear. This is to protect the children from being exposed to multiple potential relationships, and to keep younger children from confusion. As the children get older, the dynamics change, and it can make it less of an issue to bring someone home.

It is also something of an art trying to figure out for yourself what works in terms of when to introduce someone to your children. It should not be too early because the relationship is not yet stable. It also should not be too late. If you feel deeply for your partner and then your children do not connect, it could be complicated and hard to figure out.

You need to decide for yourself when is the right time to bring them home, and what you are prepared to do if they struggle to connect with your children.

Communication and Building Strong Foundations in Relationships

Communication is important in any relationship. What you say and what you do communicates expectations and whether they are being met or not. All communication happens within a context. Part of this includes discussing family history, past relationships, and so on. You and your partner should be able to talk frankly about what going home to meet your closest friends and family means, and when it is most appropriate.

Clear communication and setting and maintaining boundaries are not always easy. People can offend one another easily, especially when meeting one’s closest friends and family. It may be helpful to navigate those conversations with help from a counselor who specializes in relationships and understands the complex dynamics in a couple coming together.

If you are trying to understand your own situation, consider meeting with a counselor who can help you develop your communication skills and navigate conflict well. They can help you in setting and maintaining healthy boundaries so that you and your relationships will flourish. Contact us today if you need help finding the right counseling fit. We can introduce you to a counselor from our directory who will be eager to start this journey with you.