Dealing with Anger Issues in a Relationship: Tips for Success
Los Angeles Christian Counseling
Consider a young couple who have decided to marry. They have already announced their future marriage to a number of family and friends but now find themselves questioning their decision.
When the couple starts to rethink their upcoming nuptials, they can start feeling ashamed that they are now going to have to inform others of the changes in their relationship. That feeling of shame can stir up anger and resentment that may easily become a ticking time bomb.
When Anger Issues Arise
When anger issues develop, one or both in the relationship may begin to have angry outbreaks. These arguments often become shouting matches where both lose confidence and patience and may even escalate into harsh, hurtful words and actions.
Tempers flare, and words are spoken or actions are taken will not be able to be taken back. In dealing with these emotional and spiritual wounds, Christian values can take a back seat in their relationship. Anger management may help the couple resolve their differences and help them to heal the damage.
Learning to Fight Fair
Even though there may still be anger and resentment in their relationship, it can be directed in a more responsible manner. The problems that caused the problems in the first place don’t disappear overnight, but learning the difference between insulting and harmful words and actions versus calm, understanding communication is key.
Many times, the individuals may have come from families that had the same problems. Learning how to talk fairly and to be cooperative with each other makes all the difference in the world.
Christian counseling can bring the couple back to a healthy way of relating to each other. It helps to know that each other are willing to change. Knowing that your partner is no longer “the enemy” releases a lot of tension and anxiety, and positive changes can take hold. Old, toxic ways of thinking in the past can be redirected, and overcome. Learning to recognize destructive behavior and finding alternative ways to approach anger is the goal.
Learning how to direct anger in responding calmly is not the same as passive behavior. Likewise, aggressive behavior can cause serious wounds injuries to the process of healing. Anger can cause resentment and hurt to each person involved. When this happens, the relationship takes a huge step backward.
Christian counseling teaches supportive behavior in learning how to have a healthy relationship. Voluntarily participating in the repairs of broken relationships is a shining example of a willingness to change for the better. Rather than just putting a temporary bandage on a wrecked family, there are actual changes that will be apparent in their lives.
How to Approach Anger Issues Successfully
Anger can come from various problems in the family. Changes in the family, such as divorce or separation can make a huge impact on the lives of the family members. Both children and adults are hurt and confused, feeling abandoned or betrayed, which can bring both guilt and anger.
Managing the issues can be taxing for all individuals in the family. Los Angeles Christian Counseling can help bring sanity back to the family to combat all of the effects that anger can bring.
Learning how to recognize the difference between valid anger and overreacting to a stressful situation can come with Christian counseling. When the counselor helps teach healthy ways to deal with anger, healing can finally take hold. With positive behaviors, positive life lessons generate a shield against negative and destructive actions.
Health Problems Due to Anger-Generated Stress
Along with anger, stress can cause a multitude of health problems. Those going through anger management issues will find that their health is compromised. Here are just a few examples of what anger can do to the body:
- Heart Disease – Those people who do not learn how to manage stress caused by anger will be at a higher risk of heart attacks and high blood pressure. These problems can be negated simply by learning to deal with anger.
- Obesity – When feelings of anger are not dealt with, and damage to relationships are not addressed, people may end up stuffing themselves with food while they stuff their emotions down.
- Recurring Migraines – Stress itself can cause severe headaches that can be debilitating. When anger is either not dealt with, or simply ignored, the side effects can be merciless.
- Depression – When there is no outlet for anger, people can turn on themselves with negative self-talk, believing that they don’t deserve a healthy, happy life.
Emotionally Destructive Behaviors
There are a large number of obvious behaviors that develop from anger that has not been dealt with properly. These issues cause situations that seem impossible to counter, but with Christian counseling, the problems can be resolved.
Here are some examples:
- Blaming Others – Perhaps because a person does not want to deal with anger and resentment, they may end up trying to have others take responsibility for their negative behavior. “See what you made me do…” can be a sure sign of someone not wanting to take ownership of their own actions.
- Rejecting Positive Situations – When anger turns to resentment, people tend to ignore good things around them, focusing only on negative situations. Shaming others because of an oversight on their part, or pointing out shortcomings in others are a couple of examples.
- Saying “Should” – Telling others (or themselves) what they “should” or “should not” be allowed to do in their own lives. Putting people down because of actions that others take that perhaps an angry person is often a way to misdirect their anger.
- Blowing Things Out of Proportion – Seeing only bad in situations that go wrong instead of learning how to deal with different actions and reactions can be a side-effect of anger. Picking others apart whether it is deserved or not is often a symptom of unresolved anger. This behavior can present itself by shaming others, refusing to show love and kindness to those important in their life, and giving only negative reactions to loved ones.
Deciding Which Way to Turn
It’s not easy to start making changes. Applying that old adage, “If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting,” is a perfect example of how change can alter someone’s life. Change can be frightening at first.
That is what Christian counseling is for. Taking a helping hand to someone unsuccessfully trying to deal with anger is the first step. Letting God into your life and trusting that the changes are going to be a positive influence for people experiencing the problems of dealing with anger management is crucial.
Change is terrifying. It’s scary to take a person away from old behaviors. Learning new ways to deal with angry responses to different situations takes a willingness on the parts of the people in question.
An angry couple who begin to break apart because of their unresolved issues may be able to remember why they fell in love in the first place. They may be able to overcome difficulties that entered their lives because of second thoughts, misperceived actions, confusion, and insecurities.
Once people are able to commit themselves to making a new start in dealing with emotional and spiritual instabilities, they start to see positive results. Spokane Christian Counseling is deeply invested in helping those who come to them to resolve anger issues. No difficulty is too big or too small. Every person seeking help is equally important in the eyes of God.
Take Time to Change
Making a commitment to oneself and loved ones to grow and change into a positive, happy individual is a big step but not too big to achieve. For people who grew up in stressful, abusive relationships, it may be confusing, even daunting, to believe that they are worthy of happiness.
They may end up having to re-learn actions and reactions in their daily behaviors. Old habits may need to be broken completely. Allowing others to show ways to heal from anger and resentment can be difficult at first, but as positive feelings and situations start to show up in one’s life, the fear begins to drop away.
Consulting God’s Word is always beneficial, regardless of the issue. Anger is not always bad, and in some cases, it is justified. Learning the difference between constructive and destructive behavior is essential in all types of successful relationships, whether business or interpersonal.
It is imperative that God’s children exhibit growth and are able to emotionally and spiritually prosper. Everyone deserves a good life and that includes a life without toxic behavior. Each occurrence in a person’s life is a valuable lesson.
Just going to counseling in the first place shows a willingness to change. It shines a light on the desire to stay together and grow together for couples and families. Relationships prosper when difficulties are dealt with properly. There is less stress to deal with, therefore positive conditions in interpersonal relationships will begin to materialize.
“Beautiful Argument”, Courtesy of Vera Arsic, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Picnic”, Courtesy of Pedro Ribeiro Simões, Flickr.com, CC BY 2.0 License; “Angry Enough to Kill”, Courtesy of WenPHotos, Pixabay.com, CC0 License; “Athlete”, Courtesy of Autumn Goodman, Unsplash.com, CC0 License