Benefits of Sex Therapy in Marriage

It is very common to find sexual issues in marriages. Frequently, couples have different opinions regarding sex and disagreements are often the result of differences where physical intimacy is concerned.

Sex is often the measuring stick with which couples gauge the quality of their relationship so when that department isn’t living up to their expectations, complications can arise. Contrary to popular belief, however, even happily married couples experience sex life complications.

What many people fail to realize is that sex is the coming together of a number of factors besides physical and emotional bonding. It is a mix of biology, psychology, and sociology as well. There are many realms to consider far beyond sex being the indicator of a couple’s happiness.

Marriage is like humans in general. In some areas, we may be healthy and flourishing while in other ways, not so much. There are a number of ways a marriage can be checked for health aside from using the bedroom alone as the judge and jury.

Sex is a lot like checking a human’s temperature. Body temperature alone would never determine if a person was fit to run an endurance race. Neither is sex, alone, enough to base a healthy marriage on.

It’s imperative to take the pressure the bedroom off where relationship health is concerned. But, it is a very important factor within a marriage. Trouble with sexual matters can mean there are problems on a deeper level and it is vital to get to the bottom of it if so.

Often, we believe that sex is supposed to be natural and magical at the same time. We also feel it should automatically happen, and sometimes it does for a time, at least. However, sex can also be intricate and complicated.

It involves the whole person and also bears the person’s history, expectations, trauma, cultural understandings, religious beliefs, biology and so on. Indeed, it can be complicated. Not only are all these things from one person carried over, but it’s also actually multiplied times two.

Contrary to popular belief, happily married couples who are secure in their relationships can have sex problems too. Some issues are even beyond their control like erectile dysfunction, anorgasmia, dyspareunia, vaginismus, and many other hormonal conditions.

Because it’s integrated into biology, if you have problems of a sexual nature, it is imperative to speak with your doctor concerning the issues. With medical reasons ruled out or treated, if the problem still remains, it’s time to take a look into social, psychological and cultural roots.

While there are times that sex feels magical and comes naturally. But, sexual difficulties are quite common and should not be thought to be a sign of doom within a marriage. It does, however, mean your marriage could most likely use some attention.

When is Marriage Counseling for Sexual Issues Recommended?

Once you’ve consulted with your doctor on physiological concerns and/or decide that you might like to consider counseling, you’ll probably want to know what it’s like.

The very thought of therapy can be uncomfortable but it can be a very positive step forward for the intimacy of your marriage. But what does the counseling entail? There will be therapy on both an emotional and a physical level.

It isn’t intrusive and is done on a totally professional level. It is an objective look into your relationship as a whole and at the sexual concerns as well. The goal is to build up the strong points in your marriage such as love languages, resilience, and relationship history.

What Happens In Counseling for Couples?

Therapy is certainly not the same venture for all. Therapists vary too. They come from different backgrounds and have different thoughts. Their training can be different too. It’s important to find one who you are comfortable with and who you feel you can trust.

The way in which therapists conduct therapy isn’t a prescribed, guaranteed relief of an ailing marriage. It is, instead, more along the lines of a living thing that takes on a life of its own. There will be times that your counselor, your spouse, and yourself will make decisions based upon the unique attributes of your individual circumstances.

Knowing exactly what that will entail is impossible. The goal, however, is always to advance forward, to solve problems, and to enhance the relationship.

Learning about Love Languages

How you give and receive love is a vital component of your relationship. Equally as important is the way in which your partner gives and receives love. Often, the two are as different as night and day. That can change though. Through therapy based upon teachings by Gary Chapman’s exploration on the topic, couples can learn to understand and communicate in effective, positive ways.

Discovering Negative Cycles

Every marriage develops patterns. Negative ones can be quite difficult to break but by identifying them, there is hope. Nothing is impossible to work through when you are under the care of a skilled and committed counselor. Negative cycles, belonging to you and/or your spouse, can be broken.

Learning Mindfulness Skills

Mindfulness skills may involve the use of meditation, deep breathing, and other relaxation techniques. It can lower your anxiety levels and help get you in tune with your mind, body, and feelings.

Exploration of Sexual Interpretations

It’s common for couples to think differently about sex. Their core beliefs, concepts, and ideas about sexual intimacy can vary a great deal. It is imperative to address such subjects so the experience can be improved and each partner can find fulfillment based upon their needs and desires.

Broadening Physical Intimacy

Expanding your definition of sex can improve the act itself. For many, sex begins with a kiss in the morning where for others, it is confined to the bedroom. Open communication in a therapeutic setting can enhance a sexual relationship by defining each individual’s definition and expectations.

Working Through Emotional Intimacy Barriers

We all have natural defenses that we set in place to protect ourselves emotionally and physically too. But intimate relationships require a certain amount of vulnerability. Past traumas and other factors may be preventing you from experiencing the full benefits of sex. These issues can be addressed and worked through.

Learning How Physical Intimacy Can Be Enhanced by Emotional Intimacy

When you feel emotionally connected to your partner, a deep level of intimacy is likely and sex is enhanced. But, when there is a lack of it, problems may occur. Finding ways to connect intimately is of great value for your sexual relationship and is something your counselor can help you work on.

Exploring Reasons for Change within Your Relationship

Time changes everyone. Identifying what changes have occurred such as libido, frequency, and so forth can help couples work through problems the changes may be presenting. Your therapist can also assist in determining if the changes are normal or if they are truly evidence of deeper issues.

Exploring Sex Roles

In general, one partner is the initiator of sex. Often times, the other partner never does. Sometimes, one has a sex drive that is higher and the other may withdraw. Exploring roles and being open to suggestions of change can offer solutions and new levels of intimacy.

Exploring Past Trauma

Trauma has the potential to have a profound effect on how one experiences sex. If a past event is negatively impacting your relationship, it’s important to work through it. A therapist is able to help you do so.

Addressing Expectation Differences

Just because you love someone doesn’t mean you will agree on everything, especially sexual matters. Frequency, kinds of sexual acts preferred, and roles are all areas couples may disagree on. Learning to accept and compromise is of great value and is a goal of most sex therapy.

Setting Boundaries

Learning about what boundaries you want to set and how to set and stick to them is imperative. Learning to respect those of your partner is vital too. Your therapist can help with both areas.

Determining the Impacts of Sexual Based Problems

When problems from the past become sexual problems in the present, it is time to work through them. Doing so can help you overcome resentments and insecurities that may have been carried over.

Addressing Consent

Consent is an important subject your therapist will likely bring into your counseling. What it means for sex within marriage and how to have it play a healthy role in your relationship are of utmost importance.

Learning to Communicate

Your therapist’s job includes helping couples become comfortable talking about sex and intimacy. Learning to effectively communicate in these areas will help your relationship all the way around.

Creating a Comfort Communication Zone

Finding ways, times, and places to communicate about sex are important. Your therapist can help you to establish healthy problem-solving techniques that will be conducive to solving problems in every area of your marriage.

Talking about God’s Intent for Your Sexual Relationship

God has a beautiful plan and design for sex within marriage – after all, He created it. Sometimes, understanding His role and purpose can be confusing. As humans, we may have hang-ups that make it easy to have a distorted view of God’s role. Some may even feel that God thinks sex is a sin, especially if there are sex abuse issues or other problems concerning sex that have taken place. Those are all areas your Christian counselor can help with.

Exploring Mutual Sexual Satisfaction

Finding out what your partner enjoys sexually is vital. Understanding what makes your partner uncomfortable is imperative too. Finding ways to respect both partner’s likes and dislikes can be tricky but can certainly be accomplished. Processing through such subjects and finding solutions can greatly enhance your sexual relationship.

Benefits Made Possible through Sex Therapy

Couples vary and results and the benefits that come out of therapy for sex will never be identical. But there are some similar results many will have. Your sex life may become more fulfilling; you and your spouse may learn more about boundaries and communication; and problem-solving as a unit, respecting your partners dislikes and likes, and getting a deeper understanding of what sex means to your spouse are all things that may be accomplished through counseling.

Some of the possible benefits include: gaining a better understanding of cultural impacts and roles, gaining understanding of negative cycles and how to escape them, learning about sexual physiology, getting to know yourself and your partner better, working towards sexual goals together, working on new ways to communicate about sex, dealing with any underlying issues that are interfering with sex, understanding God’s hand in sexual matters, and developing a deeper connection with your spouse where sex is concerned.

All the things mentioned above, and more await those who make the decision to work on sex and intimacy issues. A skilled professional can assist in ways you may have never dreamed possible.

While seeking help for sexual issues may be uncomfortable at first, the benefits of doing so far outweigh the discomfort. Your marriage deserves the attention. Both you and your partner can benefit greatly from your stepping out so keep that in mind when it feels a bit awkward. Good things don’t always come easy. They take work and risk. Your marriage is worth it though and so are you.

When you’ve made the decision to try counseling, you will want to speak with a therapist. You can then determine if your spouse is willing to attend as well. If you commit to getting help, you’ll need to find a therapist that is a good fit for you.

A number of therapists at our counseling center work in the area of sexually based counseling for couples. We would love to work with you and invite you to call today or to contact us online to see how Christian counseling may help your marriage.