16 Characteristics of a Happy Couple

Who comes to mind when you think of a happy couple?

Chances are, you can immediately think of two people who seem happy and inseparable. You might have noticed how the wife smiles at the husband or how they always seem to be laughing or elbowing one another in playfulness. You might remember the way the wife speaks to her husband or the way he always has her arm around her or his hand on the small of her back.

You might see the twinkle in their eyes, the ease with which they interact, and feel the lack of tension and abundance of ease when you walk into their home.

We all know those couples who seem incredibly happy and in love. The ones who seem to know something we don’t or be privy to a transformational secret that if we could just find out about, would help us change even the dullest or most damaged relationship.

One Internet search will turn up more relationship advice than you can possibly wade through in your lifetime, and each “expert” seems to have his or her own opinions. So, what’s the secret?

What’s the best marriage advice?

What qualities are present in healthy relationships?

Is there one big secret for a happy marriage?

Just like achieving excellent health requires a holistic approach involving good nutrition; exercise; fresh air; clean water; community; sunshine and emotional and spiritual wellbeing, achieving healthy relationships has many different components. There isn’t one key or one secret, but a number of different qualities that make up a happy marriage.

Some may say that communication is the key, but communication isn’t always the answer especially if you’re communicating from a place of bitterness, negativity, or resentment. The things you communicate (or that your spouse communicates) can be tainted with anger, hurt, pain, and selfishness.

16 Characteristics of a Happy Couple

Happy couples who create happy marriages possess some of the following characteristics:

1. They are happy individuals

When we talk about happiness, we’re not talking about superficial emotions. The Bible tells us that “a happy heart is good medicine and a joyful mind causes healing, but a broken heart dries up the bones” (Proverbs 17:22). We know that happiness has an impact on our individual wellbeing and on our wellbeing in relationships.

To say that a happy marriage consists of two happy individuals does not mean that they’re happy 24/7 or that they never feel sad, disappointed, or angry. It means that they generally have a sense of happiness and well-being and individually know what makes them happy and keeps them happy apart from the other.

The wife may find deep joy in keeping a garden, playing volleyball, or spending time with her friends. The husband may find happiness riding his motorcycle, hiking, or spending time with his grandchildren.

2. They forgive easily

Couples who have a happy marriage don’t let bitterness, frustration, or anger build up and begrudge one another. They say sorry quickly and forgive easily. No two people are perfect and in a marriage, there will be disappointment and frustration. Apart from causing rifts within relationships, we know that unforgiveness can cause negative health consequences such as high blood pressure, anxiety, and depression, too.

Ephesians 4: 31-32 says “Get rid of all bitterness, rage, and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Forgiveness eases tension and allows couples to build unity with each other rather than walls against one another.

3. They serve one another

Happy couples serve one another. They help one another out with big and small tasks and support one another’s ambitions and callings.

A husband might help his wife remodel the house, wash the dishes after dinner, or take some things off of her plate so she can accomplish a big dream of hers like publish a book or start a business. A wife might help her husband run his business, pack his lunch for him because he really appreciates it, or pick up his clothes off of the floor without getting angry that he left them there.

1 Peter 4:10-11 says “As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God’s varied grace.” Serving one another looks differently depending on the relationship, gifting, and personalities, but at the core of it is always doing things for one another that are helpful and important without holding what you’ve done over the other person’s head.

4. They laugh often

Happy couples laugh often. While they’re mature and professional, they don’t take themselves to seriously and they allow themselves to relax, be at ease, and just enjoy life and one another. A study from the University of North Carolina found that shared laughter amongst couples is positively associated with relationship well-being, closeness, and social support.

Psalm 126:2-3 says “Then our mouths were filled with laughter and our tongues with joyful songs. Then the nations said, “The LORD has done spectacular things for them.” The LORD has done spectacular things for us. We are overjoyed.” The byproduct of recognizing the spectacular things that the Lord has done in your life and marriage is laughter and joy.

If you don’t laugh often with your spouse, grab a sheet of paper and take stock of the wonderful things the Lord has done in your marriage (even if you’re currently going through a hard time with your spouse). When you’re together, allow yourself to unwind and enjoy without an agenda or a list of discussion topics. Just be present and have fun like you did when you first met.

5. They joke, play, and enjoy one another

Similar to laughing together, happy couples have fun together. They’re lighthearted and go out of their way to do fun things that they enjoy. You can be in the middle of doing hard labor together like cleaning up the yard and still find moments crack a joke or play around a bit.

6. They pray together

Happy couples also pray together. In a 2013 study in The Journal of Family researchers found that praying for your spouse and with your spouse can increase trust and commitment in the relationship. It also increases the satisfaction you feel in the marriage and decreases the chances of infidelity.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 says “Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” The practice of rejoicing, praying, and giving thanks marks the lives of many happy couples and happy marriages.

7. They have regular sexual intimacy

In a study in the Journal of Social Psychology and Personality Science of 30,000 Americans, researchers found that couples who were intimate once a week were the happiest and couples who were intimate two, three, or more times per week were just as happy as those who had sexual intimacy once a week.

The study also indicated that those who had sexual intimacy less than one time per week reported lower levels of happiness. Sexual intimacy releases endorphins which are associated with feelings of happiness and an overall improved mood.

8. They trust each other

Happy couples trust one another in all facets of life. They trust each other to be faithful. They trust each other with money, their feelings, and their thoughts. They’re not micromanaging their finances or blowing up over a dollar spent here or there.

They’re not checking one another’s phones or emails for inappropriate messages. If the spouse has to stay late for work, they’re not constantly calling and checking up. There’s a general sense of ease and trust within the relationship.

9. They demonstrate mercy and grace

Happy couples extend grace to one another. They extend grace and mercy for mistakes or disappointments. When one spouse forgets to pick something up at the store, the other doesn’t blow up or make a big deal about it.

When one spouse gets into a fender bender, the other doesn’t launch into a lecture about how he or she needs to pay more attention and be more careful. These couples let things go and don’t try to get revenge or the upper hand.

10. They don’t just “listen,” they hear

Happy couples don’t just pretend they’re listening or spend the whole time someone else is talking waiting to speak. They actually listen carefully to each other and truly hear what the other spouse is sharing.

11. They speak to one another with tenderness

Couples who have happy marriages may lose their temper from time to time or get upset, but they generally speak to one another with tenderness and a respectful tone of voice. They’re not rolling their eyes, replying in a snarky tone, or screaming at one another.

They speak to their spouse the same way they would speak to their boss or a friend – with love and respect.

12. They respect each other’s boundaries and decisions

Happy couples respect each other’s decisions and boundaries. If the husband doesn’t want the wife to share privy information with his mother-in-law, the wife respects it. If the wife wants to switch to using non-toxic cleaning materials throughout the house or spend the first Saturday each month going to brunch with friends, the husband honors that.

13. They communicate clearly

Happy couples don’t try to manipulate situations and get their needs met by making the other feel guilty or by making vague statements like “you never spend time with me” or “I never get to do X, Y, and Z.” They communicate their needs and desires clearly and then talk through expectations.

14. They choose their battles

Couples who have excellent marriages often choose their battles. There might be a number of things they could get bent out of shape over, but they choose to look at the big picture and what’s really important. They pick which battles they’re going to engage in and extend grace and mercy to many other slights and offenses.

15. They share a common vision

Happy couples have a common vision for how they want to spend their lives and what the goal and mission of their family is. They know where they want to go and talk regularly about how they’ll get there. Maybe their vision is to be debt-free and help support a non-profit organization that is doing good work.

Maybe it’s to be minimalistic and travel the world with their family. Maybe it’s to spend Saturdays relaxing and enjoying one another at home because their schedules are just so full. Whatever the vision they have for their lives, there’s a common aspect to it.

16. They don’t forget the things that initially drew them together

Happy couples remember why they choose each other in the first place. The wife remembers that she fell in love with her husband’s adventurous nature or ambitious drive. The husband remembers that he fell in love with that same ambition and adventurous nature in his wife. They remember what drew them together and work to keep those qualities alive in the midst of life.

Christian Counseling for Relationship Issues

We hope that these insights into the secrets of a happy marriage help you create a long-lasting marriage that’s happy and healthy. If you’re currently experiencing some difficulties in your relationship, reach out to us for Christian marriage counseling to overcome marriage problems and get closer to creating a happy marriage.