Are You a Highly Sensitive Person or Raising a Highly Sensitive Child?

What does it mean to be a highly sensitive person? Well, for starters, you may repeatedly hear people say things to you such as:

• “You’re too sensitive”
• “You need to toughen up”
• “Grow a thicker skin”
• “You have to stop wearing your emotions on your sleeve”
• “Stop taking things so personally”

Being a highly sensitive person isn’t a disorder and it doesn’t mean that you’re broken or something is wrong with you; however, when someone is dealing with unresolved emotional pain or mental illness they may display symptoms that mimic those of one who is highly sensitive.

When you’re highly sensitive, you can become more susceptible to low self-esteem, get overwhelmed more easily, and take criticism much more harshly than the average person. Over time, without the right interventions, this can lead to more serious mental health concerns.

Highly sensitive people may not verbalize what they experience, but they often think or say things like, “I can read other people without them saying a word” or “I feel everything!” Those statements are, indeed, true. Highly sensitive people are often acutely aware of other people’s emotions and they easily absorb the feelings of others.

They notice subtleties that other people don’t necessarily notice because they’re more in tune with their surroundings and the people in them. These subtleties may be misinterpreted causing the sensitive or emotionally injured person to take things personally which further damages their self-esteem and worsens their degree of mental illness.

High sensitivity is defined as an acute response to either external or internal stimuli. This response could be physical, emotional, or mental and the stimuli can be social, environmental, or intrapersonal. This is usually seen as someone responding out of proportion to an event or situation.

While everyone experiences some form of sensitivity from time to time and can be deeply moved by sadness or happiness, a highly sensitive person experiences these deep emotions more intensely and on an ongoing basis.

In psychology, high sensitivity is known as Sensory Processing Sensitivity and it’s fairly common in that it’s found in 15-20 percent of the population. A person with Sensory Processing Sensitivity is different on the neural level compared to someone without it.

In fact, one study that looked at MRI images of the brains of highly sensitive people found that they had increased blood flow around the areas responsible for awareness and emotions, particularly when it came to empathetic feelings.

In the 1990s, research psychologist Elaine Aron theorized that Sensory Processing Sensitivity was an innate survival strategy aimed to help individuals with a more sensitive nervous system to survive. This innate personality trait has been found in over 100 species including dogs, birds, fish, fruit flies, cats, horses, primates, and more.

Before we dive into how highly sensitive people can cope in an often insensitive and intrusive world, let’s first look at some signs of a highly sensitive person. These signs include both the positive and negative aspects of being highly sensitive.

15 Signs of a Highly Sensitive Person

A highly sensitive person:

1. Has a rich inner world—Highly sensitive people often have a richer inner world, big imagination, and are content being “in their own heads” or alone.
2. Is socially aware—Highly sensitive people are acutely aware of a conflict or the potential for one and can often sense it before it occurs, allowing them to mitigate frustrations or challenges by anticipating them. It’s not uncommon for a highly sensitive person to walk into a room after individuals have been fighting and, not having witnessed any of it, know that tension and conflict reside between the individuals. They can almost “feel it” in the room.
3. Prepares and thinks before he or she acts—If a highly sensitive person is caught off guard or asked a thought-provoking question on the spot, he or she may recoil or need to process more intently before a response is given.
4. Has high emotional intelligence—A highly sensitive person is typically very emotionally intelligent and aware. He or she has no problem diving deep into his or her emotions and trying to unpack what they mean. This individual usually finds it easy to pinpoint exactly what he or she is feeling and process why those emotions are present.
5. Relates well to others—Because highly sensitive people can often “sense” what others are feeling and thinking by picking up on body language, social cues, and facial expressions that others miss, they often relate to others very well. Friends and family members often confide in a highly sensitive person and consider him or her to be a great listener.
6. Becomes overwhelmed easily—When others confide in a highly sensitive person, that person may often absorb the feelings and emotions of that person and become overwhelmed with sadness or grief that impacts his or her own emotional state. Watching the news or learning about the injustices in the world can also cause a highly sensitive person to become extremely overwhelmed.
7. Bad days negatively affect eating or sleeping habits—A highly sensitive person may overeat or restrict eating if he or she is experiencing any form of stress, grief, or sadness. He or she may battle insomnia or, on the other end of the spectrum, want to sleep the day away.
8. Struggles letting go of negative emotions or thoughts—A highly sensitive person may ruminate on negative thoughts or emotions and replay them over and over in his or her mind to the point that it’s all-consuming and impacts his or her self-image and worth.
9. Suffers physical symptoms like headaches or pains—A highly sensitive person may suffer symptoms such as a headache or extreme physical tension due to unpleasant circumstances or stress.
10. Takes things too personally—A highly sensitive person may struggle to separate constructive criticism or advice from a personal attack or feelings that he or she is not measuring up. He or she may take statements or behaviors too personally.
11. Beats themselves up—A highly sensitive person often beats themselves up too much about a mistake, failure or mishap.
12. Gets hurt easily—A highly sensitive person often gets hurt easily by other people’s words or actions, even if they aren’t malicious or intentionally hurtful.
13. Keeps a lot of negative emotions and thoughts inside—A highly sensitive person often has a lot of negative emotions about themselves, the injustice in the world, or other people inside. He or she struggles to let go of these emotions and thoughts.
14. Can feel awkward and uncomfortable in social environments—Highly sensitive people can be both introverts or extroverts, but they might often feel like they can’t be themselves in a group or open up completely to people for fear of judgment.
15. Feels uncomfortable with lots of external stimuli—A highly sensitive person may be disturbed by bright lights and loud sounds. He or she may be easily startled or dislike scary or violent shows.

Most highly sensitive people realize that they have this personality trait. However, they don’t often realize that they’re not alone or think of it as an innate trait. They often think something is wrong with them or that they need to overcome their sensitivity. Building resiliency and the ability to regulate emotions can be very helpful in managing high sensitivity. This is true as well when it comes to treating some mental illnesses such as depression.

While you may not be highly sensitive yourself, if you’re a parent or guardian, you may find yourself with a child who displays high sensitivity. Here’s how you may identify if you’re raising a highly sensitive child.

Am I Raising a Highly Sensitive Child?

High sensitivity in a child can display itself a little bit differently than in an adult. Here are some signs you may be raising a highly sensitive child.

A highly sensitive child may:

• Want all the tags off their clothes—A highly sensitive child may be extremely sensitive to tags or seams in socks or clothing.
• Be sensitive to textures—This child may be sensitive to the textures of foods or fabrics, making it difficult during mealtimes or when shopping for clothes or bedding.
• Read your mind—You may find that your child seems to anticipate your needs and almost read your mind by proactively doing something for you or picking up on your social cues and expressions.
• Avoid large playgroups—A highly sensitive child may prefer to avoid large playgroups or prefer to play quietly in a corner of a room.
• Get overwhelmed by bright lights and loud noises—This child may become extremely irritable or unmanageable when bright lights or loud noises are present.
• Be labeled shy—A highly sensitive child might be called shy by adults or peers.
• Demonstrates genuine compassion—This child may give away his or her toys or go out of his or her way to comfort another child who is upset.
• Ask a lot of questions—As a deep processor with a rich inner world, your child might be highly curious and ask a lot of questions in order to make sense of what he or she is thinking, feeling, or experiencing.
• Be highly intelligent or creative—A highly sensitive child might be incredibly intelligent or creative from a young age.
• Get overwhelmed by the distress of others—This child might be moved to tears or deep sadness by the distress of another individual.

To give an example, you may have one daughter who slipped and fell on the playground. She may have cried initially and then gotten over it after her wound was tended to and a band-aid applied. Your other daughter may have slipped and fell on the playground and then noticed a group of her classmates pointed and laughed at her.

She may have stopped crying after the band-aid was applied, but then continued to think about how her classmates laughed at her. She might get home and tell you about it, begin crying again and be unable to move past the fact that she was laughed at. One daughter might not have even noticed it, but the other not only noticed it – they can’t seem to let it go.

This is an example of a highly sensitive child and how your parenting approach may need to adjust to successfully navigate their processing of the world.

How Can a Highly Sensitive Person or Child Cope With the World?

When an individual doesn’t have the right strategies to handle their sensitivities and set appropriate boundaries, then their sensitivity can lead to depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem.

If you’re highly sensitive, or find that you are displaying such symptoms some ways you can cope are by:

• Avoiding the news or violent or scary shows
• Becoming more aware of bodily sensations and focusing on the positive aspects of your encounters
• Working through the pain or trauma of past experiences
• Being mindful of your environment and the level of stimuli present
• Accepting your sensitivity as an innate trait and stop trying to change it or be “normal”
• Realizing you’re not alone because 15-20 percent of the population views and sees the world as you do
• Creating calm environments and hideaways where you can find serenity, be careful not to develop patterns of withdrawal or isolation.
• Engaging with other highly sensitive people, and staying aware of possible maladaptive coping (such as substance use) that others may have developed to deal with their sensitivity.

If you’re parenting a highly sensitive child, it’s important that you engage in gentle discipline, speak clearly to your child by thoroughly explaining and elaborating, helping them to process their emotions and see them as strengths.

If you’d like the help of a Christian counselor to assist you in identifying whether you or your child are highly sensitive or dealing with unresolved emotional issues, feel free to schedule an appointment.

If you’re a highly sensitive person who hasn’t always seen your strengths and hasn’t learned how to set limits as you relate to other people and the world, leading to low self-esteem and depression, Christian counseling can help you develop the right coping strategies. Please don’t hesitate to reach out by calling our office or visiting the counselor directory.